thoughts from the break.

this has been quite an interesting break so far. i went from busy all the time - carefully planning my schedule so as to not get burnt out - to very little going on. especially since christmas, not much has happened all. i've had a few things to do here or there, but its totally opposite to just a few weeks ago.

one of the things that i have been learning over the past couple months is that a sabbath is absolutely necessary. i have been taking one day a week in order to relax, spend time with God and friends, reflect on my past week and also map out what changes i need to make in the next week in order for my time to align with my priorities. this has been one of the best things i could possibly do. one of the things that i've been challenged with lately is my time with God - things have drastically changed since planting this house church. speaking on sundays adds a totally different dimension to my life. it's weird because sermons must come from the heart and are deeply personal, but my study time for sermons, if it makes up the majority of my time with God, is absolutely detrimental to my personal relationship with God. this is what C.H. Spurgeon calls "ministerialism" - devoting all of your time with the Lord to studying the Bible for the sake of preparing a sermon, praying for the church - doing ministry rather than being a man of God.

i have felt my fall into ministerialism, and God has really been reviving me this past month or two...he's reminded me of things before we planted the church - my desires, my personal prayers, my affections and old habits that have faded due to pressures from the house church. it has been so, so good to spend time with Jesus, especially this break. lots of time for reflection and growth in him. my affections have been stirred for him, and my desires are fully set on him...which is awesome. so good...

at the same time, though i've had time by myself with God, i haven't had time with my friends as much as i would like. this has meant too much thinking, too much alone time...and this has been frustrating and annoying. both my roommates have been gone, and i've been pretty much living alone, and that is such a struggle...on top of this, i feel like i'm in a weird spot with all my friends. old friends that don't live here have come back, and yet i've made new friends that are living here in salem...so my desires are split between wanting to be with both sets of friends...especially since addie falls into one category and not both...


there's really no point to this other than to let you all know where i'm at. life is a journey. there's always breathtaking sites as you walk along the trail, but sometimes that trail can be pretty strenuous. and these can both happen at the same time. deeper than all of this, God is using circumstances to continue to refine me into the man of God that he wants me to be, and i'm very eager for that...i want him, and i want to be his servant.