i have been looking forward to being done with high school so much that i haven't had a moment to actually think about what it will be like for it to be over. it is starting to sink in after we had the senior banquet on thursday night. for some reason, i was in a really deep thinking mood the other night at the banquet. those speeches really got me thinking. then, to think that i'm probably never going to see most of the people in that room ever again in my life...wow. i might not be close friends with all of them, but my heart still goes out to them and i like being around them.
we all just don't get it. the speeches that the teachers gave were really good, but they were missing one thing - God. they told us to be good people and think about other people more than ourselves and follow our dreams and all of that. but, they left out the one thing that really matters in the life, and that's Jesus Christ. what is the purpose of life? you can't create it on your own. that will leave you empty, confused and hurting. the only purpose in this life is to know God and love him for the love he has shown for us. that's it.
as i thought about this on thursday night, i looked around the room and saw all the lost people in that room. (now, get me right. i'm not saying that i'm better than them for knowing, because it is by God's grace i am who i am. he has chosen me to know him, which doesn't make sense in my own mind because why wouldn't he choose them? but i am confident that many of them will come to know him at a different stage in life). i saw the faces of my peers who will go off to college and live an entirely unfulfilled life. could i have told them the truth? why didn't i stand up and show and tell them about the love that God has for us in Christ Jesus? why didn't i share it with them every single day in words? its the most important thing! could i have done a better job? of course i could have. it pains me to think about this.
yet, as i think about high school and look back at my 4 years spent at south, i can honestly say i am satisfied with the course i have taken in high school. i wish i could have done more, but i'm only human. and god worked in my heart SO much! i needed to grow first. and i'm still growing, but now i feel i have the maturity to tell others about him. i just wish i could have one more chance to share with every one of my friends about God.
it isn't over yet. we've got 7 days of school left, and two weeks left with people who need to know Christ! i'm not ashamed of the power of the gospel, am I!? it has changed me, and i must share with my friends the thing that means the most to me.
please, join me in praying for chances, opportunities and boldness to share the love of God with our peers as this year rapidly approches its end.
finish strong.
"i have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith."
2 Timothy 4:7
26 May 2007
10 May 2007
depravity of humanity vs. divinity of the trinity
we are depraved. we live in a broken world. our very flesh is infected with desires that set themselves up against God. not only that, but the "prince of this world" is running around tempting us to fall into the traps that he has so cleverly set for us.
i have been feeling so incredibly inadequate when it comes to God. high school is coming to a close, and this apathy (senioritis) is kicking in. i have little or no desire to be at school. today i went to school for one class - and that class was team sports. our teachers almost encourage us to take it easy and coast our way to the finish line. its getting really close. i'm anticipating the future. my mind is already on the summer and on next year. this shows in my attitude recently. i'm so undisciplined. the lack of passion for school is seeping into a lack of passion for life in general, and therefore is being translated into my walk with God. i'm spending time with God, but its almost an afterthought - which is ridiculous! my prayer life is suffering, my bible reading hasn't been quite as good. and, i feel it. i feel just this groaning and longing inside of me. i feel this discontent with the things of this world. i long for the unchanging, but i live inside this world of change.
anyways, i am failing! every day i do something that i wish i hadn't, or i don't do something that i should of. i see character flaws within myself, and they are so ugly. i am absolutely depraved.
at church last sunday, a missionary from Latvia spoke to us. he explained that the first question all foreigners ask about Latvia when they get there is why there are no crosses on their churches. instead of crosses, they have roosters...big ones. why are there roosters on top of Latvian churches rather than crosses? this missionary explained that the cross reminds us of what Jesus did for us - it is a religious symbol and makes us feel good about his sacrifice. the rooster, however, is a reminder of how many times we have denied Jesus, just like peter did 3 times before the rooster crowed. the rooster forces us to remember our sin, our shame and our position.
we are all sinners. even if we're christians, that doesn't mean we're better than others. a terrible tendency i have is a desire to compare myself to other christians to see how i'm doing. its easy, especially as a senior, to look around and feel pretty good about myself. i'm not as bad as that person. i read my bible more than she does. i don't sin that big. you know what i'm saying? BUT - humanity is not the standard. Christ is our example. we're on a journey in life to become more like him in his holiness and perfection. we'll never reach that goal, but hopefully we'll get closer and closer as life goes on.
so, as the rooster reminds me to look at myself in my condition, i find filth, trash, dirtiness, failure, and so on, and so forth. why does God even bother with me? he shows me love, and i fail. he forgives me, blesses me (why???), and for some reason i turn somewhere else for fleeting satisfaction. that's the state i'm in.
but, am i ever going to get out of this? as i come closer and closer to Christ, i realize how incredibly HOLY he is! look at me, then look at him. depravity...divinity. its the difference between light and dark. he is so, so, so holy! perfect in all ways, indescribably beatiful, wonderfully kind, and unfailing in love.
that he would love me is an incredibe mystery! that he would use me...ah!? he's insane!! i mean, its like trying to sail across the atlantic ocean in a sunken boat that's been pulled up from the ocean floor. but, ah, this is ridiculous. he does it! God, in his absolutely wonderous glory and strength is able to take us, as broken and as filthy as we might be, and change the world with us. that is amazing. that is incomprehensible.
david crowder's last album is called "a beautiful collision." in the front cover, a simple line reads:
"when our depravity meets His divinity it is a beautiful collision."
that's what its all about. the glory of it all is that Christ came down to save us from our depravity and give us life abundant. he never fails to bless us. all he asks for us in exchange for love, blessing, peace, eternal life, is our trust. he wants us to be all in for him. he asks us to bring ourselves to him, broken, unclean, and worthless. he wants us to turn in our old, tattered, beaten up lives in exchange for indescribably GOOD life through Christ.
so, i guess its just a daily decision to lay down my life for God's purpose, not my own. simple, yet profound. easy to understand, yet difficult to grasp. the good thing is God promises to do it for us. so, i'll put my trust in that promise...
i have been feeling so incredibly inadequate when it comes to God. high school is coming to a close, and this apathy (senioritis) is kicking in. i have little or no desire to be at school. today i went to school for one class - and that class was team sports. our teachers almost encourage us to take it easy and coast our way to the finish line. its getting really close. i'm anticipating the future. my mind is already on the summer and on next year. this shows in my attitude recently. i'm so undisciplined. the lack of passion for school is seeping into a lack of passion for life in general, and therefore is being translated into my walk with God. i'm spending time with God, but its almost an afterthought - which is ridiculous! my prayer life is suffering, my bible reading hasn't been quite as good. and, i feel it. i feel just this groaning and longing inside of me. i feel this discontent with the things of this world. i long for the unchanging, but i live inside this world of change.
anyways, i am failing! every day i do something that i wish i hadn't, or i don't do something that i should of. i see character flaws within myself, and they are so ugly. i am absolutely depraved.
at church last sunday, a missionary from Latvia spoke to us. he explained that the first question all foreigners ask about Latvia when they get there is why there are no crosses on their churches. instead of crosses, they have roosters...big ones. why are there roosters on top of Latvian churches rather than crosses? this missionary explained that the cross reminds us of what Jesus did for us - it is a religious symbol and makes us feel good about his sacrifice. the rooster, however, is a reminder of how many times we have denied Jesus, just like peter did 3 times before the rooster crowed. the rooster forces us to remember our sin, our shame and our position.
we are all sinners. even if we're christians, that doesn't mean we're better than others. a terrible tendency i have is a desire to compare myself to other christians to see how i'm doing. its easy, especially as a senior, to look around and feel pretty good about myself. i'm not as bad as that person. i read my bible more than she does. i don't sin that big. you know what i'm saying? BUT - humanity is not the standard. Christ is our example. we're on a journey in life to become more like him in his holiness and perfection. we'll never reach that goal, but hopefully we'll get closer and closer as life goes on.
so, as the rooster reminds me to look at myself in my condition, i find filth, trash, dirtiness, failure, and so on, and so forth. why does God even bother with me? he shows me love, and i fail. he forgives me, blesses me (why???), and for some reason i turn somewhere else for fleeting satisfaction. that's the state i'm in.
but, am i ever going to get out of this? as i come closer and closer to Christ, i realize how incredibly HOLY he is! look at me, then look at him. depravity...divinity. its the difference between light and dark. he is so, so, so holy! perfect in all ways, indescribably beatiful, wonderfully kind, and unfailing in love.
that he would love me is an incredibe mystery! that he would use me...ah!? he's insane!! i mean, its like trying to sail across the atlantic ocean in a sunken boat that's been pulled up from the ocean floor. but, ah, this is ridiculous. he does it! God, in his absolutely wonderous glory and strength is able to take us, as broken and as filthy as we might be, and change the world with us. that is amazing. that is incomprehensible.
david crowder's last album is called "a beautiful collision." in the front cover, a simple line reads:
"when our depravity meets His divinity it is a beautiful collision."
that's what its all about. the glory of it all is that Christ came down to save us from our depravity and give us life abundant. he never fails to bless us. all he asks for us in exchange for love, blessing, peace, eternal life, is our trust. he wants us to be all in for him. he asks us to bring ourselves to him, broken, unclean, and worthless. he wants us to turn in our old, tattered, beaten up lives in exchange for indescribably GOOD life through Christ.
so, i guess its just a daily decision to lay down my life for God's purpose, not my own. simple, yet profound. easy to understand, yet difficult to grasp. the good thing is God promises to do it for us. so, i'll put my trust in that promise...
02 May 2007
a problem and a prayer
why are things so hard sometimes?
i know that God has given us more than anything we could ever ask for or imagine. i know that he has given me life more abundantly. i know that in God is every good thing and from his hand comes all things beautiful. BUT - why can this life be so hard? emotionally, i'm shot right now. the past couple days have been really tough. i've been running around doing a lot of things that just need to get done. i've had only a couple hours at home. i feel so alone - this morning i went to pray for our school at 7 am, and i had invited everyone else to come to. i ended up being the only one there. one of my good friends walked by, but barely acknowledged me. that made the whole morning sort of sour. i had a good quiet time this afternoon. but, after that, things just seemed to get hard again. i came home, hoping to relax a little before riot. yet, when i get home, all my problems, worries and stressors have fallen on my head. little things bug me. i'm angry. how hard is this life? how does jesus have this much patience??
gosh...how do you expect me to do this God? it is so hard. i feel the burden, and i want to give it over to you, but its so heavy. i hardly feel like i can pass it off to you at all. i'm stuck. please, free me! i don't know what is going on, but i need you to change me. i need you to draw me closer to you. i don't know whats going on right now, but i really don't like it at all. is it my own fault? is it something you're bringing me through so that i might know you more? whatever it is, LORD, it doesn't matter. its only a part of this journey. all i want is to follow you, so if you're leading me through this, give me the strength to follow after you through these hard times...
and yet, when i think about it...this day isn't really that bad at all - what joy is found in the cross of Jesus Christ! focus me on that love that overflows to me through your gift of Christ dying on the cross to atone for my sins. that, LORD, is truly indescribable. keep my head up. don't let me look at myself and drown in self pity. just like peter on the lake, LORD, keep my eyes on you so that i don't sink. don't let my gaze drift to the raging storms around me. let me find peace in you, LORD. be my strength.
in the name of the only Jesus, Amen.
i know that God has given us more than anything we could ever ask for or imagine. i know that he has given me life more abundantly. i know that in God is every good thing and from his hand comes all things beautiful. BUT - why can this life be so hard? emotionally, i'm shot right now. the past couple days have been really tough. i've been running around doing a lot of things that just need to get done. i've had only a couple hours at home. i feel so alone - this morning i went to pray for our school at 7 am, and i had invited everyone else to come to. i ended up being the only one there. one of my good friends walked by, but barely acknowledged me. that made the whole morning sort of sour. i had a good quiet time this afternoon. but, after that, things just seemed to get hard again. i came home, hoping to relax a little before riot. yet, when i get home, all my problems, worries and stressors have fallen on my head. little things bug me. i'm angry. how hard is this life? how does jesus have this much patience??
gosh...how do you expect me to do this God? it is so hard. i feel the burden, and i want to give it over to you, but its so heavy. i hardly feel like i can pass it off to you at all. i'm stuck. please, free me! i don't know what is going on, but i need you to change me. i need you to draw me closer to you. i don't know whats going on right now, but i really don't like it at all. is it my own fault? is it something you're bringing me through so that i might know you more? whatever it is, LORD, it doesn't matter. its only a part of this journey. all i want is to follow you, so if you're leading me through this, give me the strength to follow after you through these hard times...
and yet, when i think about it...this day isn't really that bad at all - what joy is found in the cross of Jesus Christ! focus me on that love that overflows to me through your gift of Christ dying on the cross to atone for my sins. that, LORD, is truly indescribable. keep my head up. don't let me look at myself and drown in self pity. just like peter on the lake, LORD, keep my eyes on you so that i don't sink. don't let my gaze drift to the raging storms around me. let me find peace in you, LORD. be my strength.
in the name of the only Jesus, Amen.
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