i have been praying for some time now that i'd become a man after God's own heart, just like david. i want to fall passionately in love with my savior and king. i want to know God and be known by him, feeling the warmth of his embrace and the coolness of his breath; detatched from the world and infatuated with the King. i want to be known as a lover of God.
God has really brought me to a new level as i listen to him in reading his word. he's called me to be "all in" for him and to spend more time and effort seeking after him. in 6th grade i ran long distance in track. one of my coaches - coach carson - gave me a little plaque that says, "The precious possession of a man is DILIGENCE, proverbs 12:27." now, i'm learning more what it means to diligently seek after God.
its weird to me when we grow in our relationship with God, because its never by anything that we do that we come closer to him. Jesus himself said that no one can come to the Son unless the Father who sent him draws him. in 1 John, God says, "No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he CANNOT go on sinning, because he has been born of God." this leads me to believe that, just as in salvation we can do nothing to gain our salvation, we cannot do anything that will draw us closer to God. it's God who does the work in our hearts so that we might know him better. and, this makes sense, because then there is still no room for boasting.
this leaves us with a bit of a predicament, however. if we don't "try" in our relationship with God, we wouldn't grow. if i simply sat around and waited for God to draw me closer to him, that would not happen. this act of God doing the work in our hearts is hard to work out in our day to day life. when do we wait on God, and when do we try hard? how do we try to please God without being "religious" or legalistic?
a. w. tozer writes, "Important as it is that we recognize God working in us, I would yet warn against a too-great preoccupation with the thought. It is a sure road to sterile passivity. God will not hold us responsible to understand the mysteries of election, predestination and the divine sovereignty. The best and safest way to deal with these truths is to raise our eyes to God and in deepest reverence say, "O Lord, Thou knowest." Those things belong to the deep and mysterious Profound of God's omniscience. Prying into them may make theologians, but in will never make saints."
and so the focus again turns to us. this is biblical too. i love what Paul writes to the philippains -
"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed - not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence - continue to WORK OUT your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. (2:12-13)"
this is awesome! we have the assurance that God is the one who works in us so that we might become more like him. but, we are encouraged to 'work out' our salvation. God wants us to give labor to loving him and knowing him. it takes hard work, suffering and uncomfortability, but the best things in life always come by way of hard work and perseverance. we are willing to put hard work into sports, school, work, relationships, and pursuing whatever we love, but are we willing to put hard work into the ultimate Good, and the source of all the good in the world??
God opened my eyes and asked me to go a little deeper into him a few weeks ago. he's called me to be a student of the word and to listen to him intently, spending long hours with him in the 'inner chamber.' in obedience i have yielded to him out of love for him and a desire to know him more fully. it has been so hard at times, and i've already failed so much. yet, i'm simply working out my salvation. and i have this confidence that God's working in me and winking at my weaknesses, lavishing me with blessing after blessing in extreme patience. oh the love of God! how worthy is he of my praise!
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" "Oh the depth of the riches of the wisom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements, and his paths beyond tracing out! ' Who has known th mind of the Lord? or who has been his counselor?' ' who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?' For FROM HIM AND THROUGH HIM AND TO HIM ARE ALL THINGS. TO HIM BE GLORY FOREVERMORE! AMEN."
24 August 2007
04 August 2007
bourne faith
there are so many uncertainties in life. things are really starting to change now that i'm heading off to college extremely soon. i move into my dorm room on wednesday, two-a-days start next monday, and, before i know it, school will be on its way. its exciting, but its also really scary. i'm so out of control. i don't know what's next. i'm in a bit of a waiting period. this is sort of the same with me and God. i have been getting into a bad habit of simply coming to him and reading and saying some stuff that i'm frustrated with, and then waking away. i haven't really been listening to God at all. i just spill my problems to him and then take off.
what would it look like if we all were able to really listen to what God was saying to us? wouldn't our lives be so much different? we wouldn't worry...we wouldn't be all that confused...we could be perfectly content in him. that's what i want to be able to do. for the past few years i have been praying that i would be a man after God's own heart, just like david. i want my heart to beat with God's. i want to walk with God like moses did. i want to see so much of his glory that my face burns and glows white because of it. i want to be so close to God that God himself would be the one to bury me, just like moses. i want to please God so much that he'll tell me "well done, good and faithful servant." i want my heart to pant after God's.
God has been teaching me a lot about the cornerstones of sanctification - faith, hope and love (1 corinthians 13). God inspires paul to write, "and now these three remain, faith hope and love - but the greatest of these is love." so many times in scripture i have been finding these three words in close proximity to each other. for example - hebrews 10:22-24 -
"let us draw near to God with full assurance of FAITH, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. let us hold unswervingly to the HOPE we profess, for he who promised is FAITHful. and let us consider how we may spur one another toward LOVE and good deeds..."
faith, hope and love seem to be incredibly important. God has been developing all three in me. more recently, he has specifically been developing my faith. that is partly what i mean by listening to God...when we listen, we take the attention off of ourselves and put it on God. this is what faith, or believing, is. tozer defines it like this -
"believing, then, is directing the heart's attention to Jesus. it is lifting the mind to "behold the Lamb of God," and never ceasing that beholding for the rest of our lives. "
and so, God has been teaching me to direct my gaze upon himself. he's telling me to quit trusting in myself, to stop worrying about what might happen, and just look at him and be satisfied. its funny how when we look to God, when our attention is fixed on him, things just seem to work out in our lives. isaiah 26:3 says "you keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on you..." this is so true. it is easy, especially with all this uncertainty surrounding me, to worry. i don't understand so much. i don't get what's going on so many times. i was telling this to addie a little while ago, and she said something that struck me. i told her that i didn't understand where God was taking me or what God was doing in my life. she said, "yeah, well, we aren't supposed to understand, are we?" ah, what a word from God! God doesn't want or need for us to understand. he wants us to trust him with our entire being, and in trusting him we honor him incredibly. when times get tough and it looks like things aren't going to work out or we don't know where things are going, God is in control, and he wants us to trust. i heard someone say that God is a last-minute God. its true...from our perspective. but, i think its not just because he wants to freak us out. he wants us to trust him. i think its part of God's adventurous side. he likes to be the hero, because he IS! i went to the midnight premiere of the bourne ultimatum the other night, and it was amazing! bourne is bomb. like, he'll get into situations where you think, "there's no way he can get out of this," or, "its impossible for him to do that," but he does. every time he does. i can't ruin the movie for you quite yet (so don't read this if you haven't seen it yet, just skip to the next paragraph), but there's this one part where bourne gets hurt, and is with this girl who is being tracked down by "the asset," i think his name was desh. anyway, they are in tangier, and bourne has to get to the girl before the hitman does. he's got the police on his tail, he's jumping from building to building, and, finally, just as the girl is about to be found and killed, bourne comes crashing through the window to defeat desh.
i think that's kinda how God is. he likes to put on a show a little, because he can. it is our place to trust and yield as he jumps from building to building in order to protect us...
what would it look like if we all were able to really listen to what God was saying to us? wouldn't our lives be so much different? we wouldn't worry...we wouldn't be all that confused...we could be perfectly content in him. that's what i want to be able to do. for the past few years i have been praying that i would be a man after God's own heart, just like david. i want my heart to beat with God's. i want to walk with God like moses did. i want to see so much of his glory that my face burns and glows white because of it. i want to be so close to God that God himself would be the one to bury me, just like moses. i want to please God so much that he'll tell me "well done, good and faithful servant." i want my heart to pant after God's.
God has been teaching me a lot about the cornerstones of sanctification - faith, hope and love (1 corinthians 13). God inspires paul to write, "and now these three remain, faith hope and love - but the greatest of these is love." so many times in scripture i have been finding these three words in close proximity to each other. for example - hebrews 10:22-24 -
"let us draw near to God with full assurance of FAITH, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. let us hold unswervingly to the HOPE we profess, for he who promised is FAITHful. and let us consider how we may spur one another toward LOVE and good deeds..."
faith, hope and love seem to be incredibly important. God has been developing all three in me. more recently, he has specifically been developing my faith. that is partly what i mean by listening to God...when we listen, we take the attention off of ourselves and put it on God. this is what faith, or believing, is. tozer defines it like this -
"believing, then, is directing the heart's attention to Jesus. it is lifting the mind to "behold the Lamb of God," and never ceasing that beholding for the rest of our lives. "
and so, God has been teaching me to direct my gaze upon himself. he's telling me to quit trusting in myself, to stop worrying about what might happen, and just look at him and be satisfied. its funny how when we look to God, when our attention is fixed on him, things just seem to work out in our lives. isaiah 26:3 says "you keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on you..." this is so true. it is easy, especially with all this uncertainty surrounding me, to worry. i don't understand so much. i don't get what's going on so many times. i was telling this to addie a little while ago, and she said something that struck me. i told her that i didn't understand where God was taking me or what God was doing in my life. she said, "yeah, well, we aren't supposed to understand, are we?" ah, what a word from God! God doesn't want or need for us to understand. he wants us to trust him with our entire being, and in trusting him we honor him incredibly. when times get tough and it looks like things aren't going to work out or we don't know where things are going, God is in control, and he wants us to trust. i heard someone say that God is a last-minute God. its true...from our perspective. but, i think its not just because he wants to freak us out. he wants us to trust him. i think its part of God's adventurous side. he likes to be the hero, because he IS! i went to the midnight premiere of the bourne ultimatum the other night, and it was amazing! bourne is bomb. like, he'll get into situations where you think, "there's no way he can get out of this," or, "its impossible for him to do that," but he does. every time he does. i can't ruin the movie for you quite yet (so don't read this if you haven't seen it yet, just skip to the next paragraph), but there's this one part where bourne gets hurt, and is with this girl who is being tracked down by "the asset," i think his name was desh. anyway, they are in tangier, and bourne has to get to the girl before the hitman does. he's got the police on his tail, he's jumping from building to building, and, finally, just as the girl is about to be found and killed, bourne comes crashing through the window to defeat desh.
i think that's kinda how God is. he likes to put on a show a little, because he can. it is our place to trust and yield as he jumps from building to building in order to protect us...
12 July 2007
road trip recap
this will be less serious....i want to tell you guys a little bit about montana...what an amazing trip! ah, it was so good just to get away from it all for two weeks. here's a little summary of what we did -
day 1 - carter and i started driving. we randomly made a decision to stop at multnomah falls and climb to the top...pretty cool. we drove to missoula which is about a 10 hour trip. then we ate "cracker barrel." (if you haven't eaten there and get a chance...do it. it is amazing). we stayed with carter's aunt and uncle, and they were so nice.
day 2 - we slept in and relaxed, then started driving to billings, with a few stops along the way. we stopped in butte for a little while. then we got to billings and hung out at the mall (yeah, we're that cool). that evening we got to jim and brandi taber's house. we hung out with them all night. they took us out to eat at the cracker barrel again:)
day 3 - we were going to hit the mountain that day, but decided to stick around with the tabers because they are so crazy cool. so, we just sort of hung out with them all day long. it was a great day.
day 4 - backpacking began. we had the heaviest packs...60 lbs. we brought enough food for a week, and that weighed us down pretty good. so we climbed 2000 feet in 4.5 miles. for a while there, literally every step was painful. after that struggle, we got to the lake...amazing. we set up camp, ate, and then carter felt sick so he slept for at least 5 hours. i feel like it was about 3 pm. so i sat around, read, prayed, and did whatever else i could to pass the time until it was time for bed. in the end, it was a good. day.
day 5 - we sort of just hung out all day. it was a little strange because the days were longer than most up there. you wake up with the sun, so, since the sun is out from about 5:30 to 9:30, every day was a 16 hour day. we had a lot of time to do nothing. so we read and prayed a lot. a couple things we did: we jumped in the lake....freezing cold because its all melted snow. we also climbed a little higher up to this snow drift and slid down it...pretty fun.
day 6 - carter and i packed up all our stuff and made the hike up to the plateau. its about another 2,000 ft elevation gain, but only over a mile or so. and there's no trail. so we bushwhacked for a while, then got to these big boulders and were literally using our hands to help us climb because it was so steep. definitely worth it though. the view was breathtaking! when we got up there, we spent some time hiking around and taking in the scenery. we set up camp and relaxed the rest of that day.
day 7 - the busiest day by far! in the morning we relaxed, ate some sweet oatmeal, and made a few awesome movies. we made one about the wild pika, and then we saw a wild dingus. for reals, we saw a wolf, and maybe heard another. pretty cool. after that, we set out to climb to the top of silver run peak, which is 12,500 ft above sea level. it was way harder than we expected and it took us a solid 2 hours to get up there. but, oh, how worth it! it was one of the most amazing experiences i've had. on the way down, to save time we slid down snow drifts...that was fun. then we got back to camp, rested (we were exhausted), ate, and tore down camp. we made the climb back down to our original camp site and then camped down there one last night.
day 8 - we packed up all our stuff and started the hike out. way easier. it was all down hill and we lost a lot of weight from food. so, we got out of there, and traveled back to civilization. we ended up driving down into wyoming to get a place to stay for the night. then we took showers, ate good food, and watched some fireworks. good day.
day 9 - we hung out in cody, wyoming for a little while. then, we drove back to billings to stay with the tabers again, which was super nice of them. we took this scenic byway thing and it was pretty cool. but after being in the mountains for 4 nights, it wasn't quite as impressive:) we got to the tabers and they made us a sweet dinner. then we slept, and it was good.
day 10 - hah...we were at the tabers again, and we did nothing. i think we just slept in and hung out until about 3. we watched probably 5 or 6 episodes of man vs wild. that's about all we did. oh, and we went and watched a movie.
day 11 - this was another day just to do nothing. we watched movies at the tabers. we watched bourne identity and bourne supremacy. that night we watched nacho libre.
day 12 - we went to church with the tabers. it was great to see their church and be a part of it. after that, we went to arbys and had one last conversation with the tabers. sweet! then, we hit the road. and we just kept driving. we made it to missoula, then kept driving past the tri-cities and stayed the night in our car at a rest stop.
day 13 - we drove probably 4 hours back home, and made it. the end.
again, great trip. i definitely grew closer to carter, and grew closer to God. the things he taught me were really simple and basic, but so awesome. he taught me about walking with him through every day and never leaving him. he made me fall more in love with him. it was so great to take some time away from everything. and then the tabers just rule. i had such an awesome time with them. it was great to talk with them and learn from them. so, God's good, and the trip was good. it is so good to be back though...the only thing that's missing is addie. she gets back tomorrow though, so that is good too!
day 1 - carter and i started driving. we randomly made a decision to stop at multnomah falls and climb to the top...pretty cool. we drove to missoula which is about a 10 hour trip. then we ate "cracker barrel." (if you haven't eaten there and get a chance...do it. it is amazing). we stayed with carter's aunt and uncle, and they were so nice.
day 2 - we slept in and relaxed, then started driving to billings, with a few stops along the way. we stopped in butte for a little while. then we got to billings and hung out at the mall (yeah, we're that cool). that evening we got to jim and brandi taber's house. we hung out with them all night. they took us out to eat at the cracker barrel again:)
day 3 - we were going to hit the mountain that day, but decided to stick around with the tabers because they are so crazy cool. so, we just sort of hung out with them all day long. it was a great day.
day 4 - backpacking began. we had the heaviest packs...60 lbs. we brought enough food for a week, and that weighed us down pretty good. so we climbed 2000 feet in 4.5 miles. for a while there, literally every step was painful. after that struggle, we got to the lake...amazing. we set up camp, ate, and then carter felt sick so he slept for at least 5 hours. i feel like it was about 3 pm. so i sat around, read, prayed, and did whatever else i could to pass the time until it was time for bed. in the end, it was a good. day.
day 5 - we sort of just hung out all day. it was a little strange because the days were longer than most up there. you wake up with the sun, so, since the sun is out from about 5:30 to 9:30, every day was a 16 hour day. we had a lot of time to do nothing. so we read and prayed a lot. a couple things we did: we jumped in the lake....freezing cold because its all melted snow. we also climbed a little higher up to this snow drift and slid down it...pretty fun.
day 6 - carter and i packed up all our stuff and made the hike up to the plateau. its about another 2,000 ft elevation gain, but only over a mile or so. and there's no trail. so we bushwhacked for a while, then got to these big boulders and were literally using our hands to help us climb because it was so steep. definitely worth it though. the view was breathtaking! when we got up there, we spent some time hiking around and taking in the scenery. we set up camp and relaxed the rest of that day.
day 7 - the busiest day by far! in the morning we relaxed, ate some sweet oatmeal, and made a few awesome movies. we made one about the wild pika, and then we saw a wild dingus. for reals, we saw a wolf, and maybe heard another. pretty cool. after that, we set out to climb to the top of silver run peak, which is 12,500 ft above sea level. it was way harder than we expected and it took us a solid 2 hours to get up there. but, oh, how worth it! it was one of the most amazing experiences i've had. on the way down, to save time we slid down snow drifts...that was fun. then we got back to camp, rested (we were exhausted), ate, and tore down camp. we made the climb back down to our original camp site and then camped down there one last night.
day 8 - we packed up all our stuff and started the hike out. way easier. it was all down hill and we lost a lot of weight from food. so, we got out of there, and traveled back to civilization. we ended up driving down into wyoming to get a place to stay for the night. then we took showers, ate good food, and watched some fireworks. good day.
day 9 - we hung out in cody, wyoming for a little while. then, we drove back to billings to stay with the tabers again, which was super nice of them. we took this scenic byway thing and it was pretty cool. but after being in the mountains for 4 nights, it wasn't quite as impressive:) we got to the tabers and they made us a sweet dinner. then we slept, and it was good.
day 10 - hah...we were at the tabers again, and we did nothing. i think we just slept in and hung out until about 3. we watched probably 5 or 6 episodes of man vs wild. that's about all we did. oh, and we went and watched a movie.
day 11 - this was another day just to do nothing. we watched movies at the tabers. we watched bourne identity and bourne supremacy. that night we watched nacho libre.
day 12 - we went to church with the tabers. it was great to see their church and be a part of it. after that, we went to arbys and had one last conversation with the tabers. sweet! then, we hit the road. and we just kept driving. we made it to missoula, then kept driving past the tri-cities and stayed the night in our car at a rest stop.
day 13 - we drove probably 4 hours back home, and made it. the end.
again, great trip. i definitely grew closer to carter, and grew closer to God. the things he taught me were really simple and basic, but so awesome. he taught me about walking with him through every day and never leaving him. he made me fall more in love with him. it was so great to take some time away from everything. and then the tabers just rule. i had such an awesome time with them. it was great to talk with them and learn from them. so, God's good, and the trip was good. it is so good to be back though...the only thing that's missing is addie. she gets back tomorrow though, so that is good too!
23 June 2007
approaching God after sinning
"Therefore, since we have a high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Hebrews 4:14-16
i fell yesterday. i messed up. i made a mistake. i sinned. i missed the mark.
last night very late i was reading in hebrews and stumbled across these verses. i read that chapter earlier that morning and kind of saw what it was about. then i came back, not really expecting God to speak into my life like he did. the verses before this one talk about God's word being "living and active." how many times have i seen that to be true. last night was no execption, and yet it still caught me off guard. as i looked into these verses and really took some time to meditate on them, it struck me.
here's my paraphrase of these verses:
Because Jesus, our high priest and representative, has victoriously gone through the heavens, let's hold on to the faith that we've got in him. Although Jesus sits in heaven now, he isn't far from us. Just because he's there doesn't mean he doesn't know the pain, the frustration, the weakness, and the failure that we as humans deal with. No, he's been tempted just like us. he's felt the pull of sin. he's lived through times where he could have fallen...because he's human too, he's not just God. yet...he lived this life perfectly. So, because Jesus knows what we're going through and how hard it is for us to follow him, we can approach the throne of grace with confidence. whenever we fall, we can come confidently to God for mercy. and, when we're feeling really weak and about to sin, God will give us grace to help us from falling if only we would ask.
besides....his heart burns for us! he can't love us any less for making a mistake. and he can't love us any more because he's loved us with all the love that there is in the world.
(there's balance to this. although God understands that we will stumble, fall and fail as we try to follow him, he doesn't like it when we do. so, we must make every effort to live a pure and blameless life. just don't beat yourself up when you make a mistake)
all of yesterday i wrestled with guilty feelings, with disappointment in my self. i knew that God had forgiven me the moment i asked for forgiveness, but i still felt bad. i don't like that. and i didn't like saying sorry to him over and over again, you know? have you ever had someone wrong you or break something of yours and then apologize over and over again? i've done it before. its like you feel so bad that you don't think that one sorry is enough, so you say it over and over again. in reality, that doesn't help. it just annoys the person who has to keeps saying, "its ok!!! i forgave you the first time you said you were sorry. you don't need to say it 20 more times!"
i feel like that's the same thing with God. he forgave us already, so there is no need to carry around that shame. Jesus paid the price for it...we don't need to beat ourselves up for it. he already took that punishment.
that's why God says in his word that we can approach God's throne with confidence - 1) he loves us so much it doesn't matter! 2) he understands that we'll mess up every once and a while because he's been there, and 3) Jesus paid the price. all God wants is repentance and humility.
Hebrews 4:14-16
i fell yesterday. i messed up. i made a mistake. i sinned. i missed the mark.
last night very late i was reading in hebrews and stumbled across these verses. i read that chapter earlier that morning and kind of saw what it was about. then i came back, not really expecting God to speak into my life like he did. the verses before this one talk about God's word being "living and active." how many times have i seen that to be true. last night was no execption, and yet it still caught me off guard. as i looked into these verses and really took some time to meditate on them, it struck me.
here's my paraphrase of these verses:
Because Jesus, our high priest and representative, has victoriously gone through the heavens, let's hold on to the faith that we've got in him. Although Jesus sits in heaven now, he isn't far from us. Just because he's there doesn't mean he doesn't know the pain, the frustration, the weakness, and the failure that we as humans deal with. No, he's been tempted just like us. he's felt the pull of sin. he's lived through times where he could have fallen...because he's human too, he's not just God. yet...he lived this life perfectly. So, because Jesus knows what we're going through and how hard it is for us to follow him, we can approach the throne of grace with confidence. whenever we fall, we can come confidently to God for mercy. and, when we're feeling really weak and about to sin, God will give us grace to help us from falling if only we would ask.
besides....his heart burns for us! he can't love us any less for making a mistake. and he can't love us any more because he's loved us with all the love that there is in the world.
(there's balance to this. although God understands that we will stumble, fall and fail as we try to follow him, he doesn't like it when we do. so, we must make every effort to live a pure and blameless life. just don't beat yourself up when you make a mistake)
all of yesterday i wrestled with guilty feelings, with disappointment in my self. i knew that God had forgiven me the moment i asked for forgiveness, but i still felt bad. i don't like that. and i didn't like saying sorry to him over and over again, you know? have you ever had someone wrong you or break something of yours and then apologize over and over again? i've done it before. its like you feel so bad that you don't think that one sorry is enough, so you say it over and over again. in reality, that doesn't help. it just annoys the person who has to keeps saying, "its ok!!! i forgave you the first time you said you were sorry. you don't need to say it 20 more times!"
i feel like that's the same thing with God. he forgave us already, so there is no need to carry around that shame. Jesus paid the price for it...we don't need to beat ourselves up for it. he already took that punishment.
that's why God says in his word that we can approach God's throne with confidence - 1) he loves us so much it doesn't matter! 2) he understands that we'll mess up every once and a while because he's been there, and 3) Jesus paid the price. all God wants is repentance and humility.
06 June 2007
all in
one of the things that has been on my mind a lot lately is this idea of being "all in" for God. as this year winds down and begins to come to a close, i have been looking back on the things that i have learned this year, and throuhout all of high school. this seems to be one of the biggest things God has been showing me over the past two years.
the biggest challenge in the christian life is to surrender control entirely over to God. this is why Christianity is called a "faith." faith is the basis for following Jesus. take it from the beginning - the requirement for salvation is this idea of belief. a little while ago i was studying the book of john, which is packed full of sentences that all say something similar to, "if you believe in Jesus, you will have eternal life." this confused me for a long time. that's the only thing God wants from us? to believe? to believe in what? Jesus? what does it mean to believe in Jesus? is that just to believe that he's real, or is it something more? i read some notes on this word 'belief' and found that the word carries more than just believing that he is real. to believe in Jesus means that you trust him, believing that he died to be your savior, and that you'll follow him because of it. just like Paul says in romans 12, this is our only reasonable response - to live a life of worship after realizing what we have been saved from.
God wants us to be all in with him. he doesn't want to be added in with everything else we desire. he doesn't want anything less than whole-hearted devotion. just as he extended the invitation to his disciples, he still whispers daily into our ears, "follow me."
this is where trust comes in. in conflict with God is our very own flesh. we have this nature to want to know, to want to be in control, and to want to do our own thing. we don't want to need God. we want to be self sufficient, and maybe have a little God in our life because it feels good or we're guaranteed of having life after death. we don't want to abandon control of our life for something that's uncertain. and, when we follow God, there are a ton of uncertainties.
and yet, on the other side of our flesh is this all-powerful, good, wise, and loving God. God wants to take care of us! he wants to lead us on, because he knows exactly what is best for us. he knows the way to ultimate peace and joy - and that's in himself. he makes some ridiculously amazing promises in his word for those who turn from themselves and follow him. the biggest of these for me is romans 8:28 - "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God promises to work for our good IF we only love him. do you really love God? no, do you REALLY? what does loving God look like? think about it for a second. other promises that God makes to us include a promise of a full life if only we turn to him (john 10:10), the promise to meet all of our needs (phil 4), to guide us in the best possible course (psalm 32:8), etc. etc. God is offering us so very much! and yet we neglect it so often in exchange for something far less valuable.
can you trust God? can you give it one shot...let go of control and seek God with all your heart. i am positive he will blow you away.
the point where things began to change in my life for the good was when i was able to say with an honest heart that God could do whatever he wanted with me, if only i could have him. i prayed that prayer and have never stopped praying it because God knows what he is doing. he has a perfect plan and i want to trust him fully. i pray for more faith so that i can let go of more and let God take control entirely.
i've been reading through isaiah and proverbs, and its crazy to find out more about God's character. there are really 2 themes that run through both of these books that God wrote. 1) he hates pride. he wants us to know that all we have been given is a blessing, and not something that we have earned. 2) all he desires from us is repentance! he doesn't want anything else but for us to turn away from the things of this world and run to him with all that we've got. he doesn't want to just be part of our lives. he wants to be everything! he wants our eyes to be on him. he wants us to be men and women who have hearts that desire what he desires and that only long to be with him alone! that's it..a turning!
a new favorite verse of mine is found in isaiah 57:15 - " ' I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the ehart of the contrite. ' "
turn to God. give things up for him. give him the best of your time. set your eyes on him alone. just say a simple prayer of faith to him right now..
the biggest challenge in the christian life is to surrender control entirely over to God. this is why Christianity is called a "faith." faith is the basis for following Jesus. take it from the beginning - the requirement for salvation is this idea of belief. a little while ago i was studying the book of john, which is packed full of sentences that all say something similar to, "if you believe in Jesus, you will have eternal life." this confused me for a long time. that's the only thing God wants from us? to believe? to believe in what? Jesus? what does it mean to believe in Jesus? is that just to believe that he's real, or is it something more? i read some notes on this word 'belief' and found that the word carries more than just believing that he is real. to believe in Jesus means that you trust him, believing that he died to be your savior, and that you'll follow him because of it. just like Paul says in romans 12, this is our only reasonable response - to live a life of worship after realizing what we have been saved from.
God wants us to be all in with him. he doesn't want to be added in with everything else we desire. he doesn't want anything less than whole-hearted devotion. just as he extended the invitation to his disciples, he still whispers daily into our ears, "follow me."
this is where trust comes in. in conflict with God is our very own flesh. we have this nature to want to know, to want to be in control, and to want to do our own thing. we don't want to need God. we want to be self sufficient, and maybe have a little God in our life because it feels good or we're guaranteed of having life after death. we don't want to abandon control of our life for something that's uncertain. and, when we follow God, there are a ton of uncertainties.
and yet, on the other side of our flesh is this all-powerful, good, wise, and loving God. God wants to take care of us! he wants to lead us on, because he knows exactly what is best for us. he knows the way to ultimate peace and joy - and that's in himself. he makes some ridiculously amazing promises in his word for those who turn from themselves and follow him. the biggest of these for me is romans 8:28 - "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God promises to work for our good IF we only love him. do you really love God? no, do you REALLY? what does loving God look like? think about it for a second. other promises that God makes to us include a promise of a full life if only we turn to him (john 10:10), the promise to meet all of our needs (phil 4), to guide us in the best possible course (psalm 32:8), etc. etc. God is offering us so very much! and yet we neglect it so often in exchange for something far less valuable.
can you trust God? can you give it one shot...let go of control and seek God with all your heart. i am positive he will blow you away.
the point where things began to change in my life for the good was when i was able to say with an honest heart that God could do whatever he wanted with me, if only i could have him. i prayed that prayer and have never stopped praying it because God knows what he is doing. he has a perfect plan and i want to trust him fully. i pray for more faith so that i can let go of more and let God take control entirely.
i've been reading through isaiah and proverbs, and its crazy to find out more about God's character. there are really 2 themes that run through both of these books that God wrote. 1) he hates pride. he wants us to know that all we have been given is a blessing, and not something that we have earned. 2) all he desires from us is repentance! he doesn't want anything else but for us to turn away from the things of this world and run to him with all that we've got. he doesn't want to just be part of our lives. he wants to be everything! he wants our eyes to be on him. he wants us to be men and women who have hearts that desire what he desires and that only long to be with him alone! that's it..a turning!
a new favorite verse of mine is found in isaiah 57:15 - " ' I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the ehart of the contrite. ' "
turn to God. give things up for him. give him the best of your time. set your eyes on him alone. just say a simple prayer of faith to him right now..
26 May 2007
the finish line
i have been looking forward to being done with high school so much that i haven't had a moment to actually think about what it will be like for it to be over. it is starting to sink in after we had the senior banquet on thursday night. for some reason, i was in a really deep thinking mood the other night at the banquet. those speeches really got me thinking. then, to think that i'm probably never going to see most of the people in that room ever again in my life...wow. i might not be close friends with all of them, but my heart still goes out to them and i like being around them.
we all just don't get it. the speeches that the teachers gave were really good, but they were missing one thing - God. they told us to be good people and think about other people more than ourselves and follow our dreams and all of that. but, they left out the one thing that really matters in the life, and that's Jesus Christ. what is the purpose of life? you can't create it on your own. that will leave you empty, confused and hurting. the only purpose in this life is to know God and love him for the love he has shown for us. that's it.
as i thought about this on thursday night, i looked around the room and saw all the lost people in that room. (now, get me right. i'm not saying that i'm better than them for knowing, because it is by God's grace i am who i am. he has chosen me to know him, which doesn't make sense in my own mind because why wouldn't he choose them? but i am confident that many of them will come to know him at a different stage in life). i saw the faces of my peers who will go off to college and live an entirely unfulfilled life. could i have told them the truth? why didn't i stand up and show and tell them about the love that God has for us in Christ Jesus? why didn't i share it with them every single day in words? its the most important thing! could i have done a better job? of course i could have. it pains me to think about this.
yet, as i think about high school and look back at my 4 years spent at south, i can honestly say i am satisfied with the course i have taken in high school. i wish i could have done more, but i'm only human. and god worked in my heart SO much! i needed to grow first. and i'm still growing, but now i feel i have the maturity to tell others about him. i just wish i could have one more chance to share with every one of my friends about God.
it isn't over yet. we've got 7 days of school left, and two weeks left with people who need to know Christ! i'm not ashamed of the power of the gospel, am I!? it has changed me, and i must share with my friends the thing that means the most to me.
please, join me in praying for chances, opportunities and boldness to share the love of God with our peers as this year rapidly approches its end.
finish strong.
"i have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith."
2 Timothy 4:7
we all just don't get it. the speeches that the teachers gave were really good, but they were missing one thing - God. they told us to be good people and think about other people more than ourselves and follow our dreams and all of that. but, they left out the one thing that really matters in the life, and that's Jesus Christ. what is the purpose of life? you can't create it on your own. that will leave you empty, confused and hurting. the only purpose in this life is to know God and love him for the love he has shown for us. that's it.
as i thought about this on thursday night, i looked around the room and saw all the lost people in that room. (now, get me right. i'm not saying that i'm better than them for knowing, because it is by God's grace i am who i am. he has chosen me to know him, which doesn't make sense in my own mind because why wouldn't he choose them? but i am confident that many of them will come to know him at a different stage in life). i saw the faces of my peers who will go off to college and live an entirely unfulfilled life. could i have told them the truth? why didn't i stand up and show and tell them about the love that God has for us in Christ Jesus? why didn't i share it with them every single day in words? its the most important thing! could i have done a better job? of course i could have. it pains me to think about this.
yet, as i think about high school and look back at my 4 years spent at south, i can honestly say i am satisfied with the course i have taken in high school. i wish i could have done more, but i'm only human. and god worked in my heart SO much! i needed to grow first. and i'm still growing, but now i feel i have the maturity to tell others about him. i just wish i could have one more chance to share with every one of my friends about God.
it isn't over yet. we've got 7 days of school left, and two weeks left with people who need to know Christ! i'm not ashamed of the power of the gospel, am I!? it has changed me, and i must share with my friends the thing that means the most to me.
please, join me in praying for chances, opportunities and boldness to share the love of God with our peers as this year rapidly approches its end.
finish strong.
"i have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith."
2 Timothy 4:7
10 May 2007
depravity of humanity vs. divinity of the trinity
we are depraved. we live in a broken world. our very flesh is infected with desires that set themselves up against God. not only that, but the "prince of this world" is running around tempting us to fall into the traps that he has so cleverly set for us.
i have been feeling so incredibly inadequate when it comes to God. high school is coming to a close, and this apathy (senioritis) is kicking in. i have little or no desire to be at school. today i went to school for one class - and that class was team sports. our teachers almost encourage us to take it easy and coast our way to the finish line. its getting really close. i'm anticipating the future. my mind is already on the summer and on next year. this shows in my attitude recently. i'm so undisciplined. the lack of passion for school is seeping into a lack of passion for life in general, and therefore is being translated into my walk with God. i'm spending time with God, but its almost an afterthought - which is ridiculous! my prayer life is suffering, my bible reading hasn't been quite as good. and, i feel it. i feel just this groaning and longing inside of me. i feel this discontent with the things of this world. i long for the unchanging, but i live inside this world of change.
anyways, i am failing! every day i do something that i wish i hadn't, or i don't do something that i should of. i see character flaws within myself, and they are so ugly. i am absolutely depraved.
at church last sunday, a missionary from Latvia spoke to us. he explained that the first question all foreigners ask about Latvia when they get there is why there are no crosses on their churches. instead of crosses, they have roosters...big ones. why are there roosters on top of Latvian churches rather than crosses? this missionary explained that the cross reminds us of what Jesus did for us - it is a religious symbol and makes us feel good about his sacrifice. the rooster, however, is a reminder of how many times we have denied Jesus, just like peter did 3 times before the rooster crowed. the rooster forces us to remember our sin, our shame and our position.
we are all sinners. even if we're christians, that doesn't mean we're better than others. a terrible tendency i have is a desire to compare myself to other christians to see how i'm doing. its easy, especially as a senior, to look around and feel pretty good about myself. i'm not as bad as that person. i read my bible more than she does. i don't sin that big. you know what i'm saying? BUT - humanity is not the standard. Christ is our example. we're on a journey in life to become more like him in his holiness and perfection. we'll never reach that goal, but hopefully we'll get closer and closer as life goes on.
so, as the rooster reminds me to look at myself in my condition, i find filth, trash, dirtiness, failure, and so on, and so forth. why does God even bother with me? he shows me love, and i fail. he forgives me, blesses me (why???), and for some reason i turn somewhere else for fleeting satisfaction. that's the state i'm in.
but, am i ever going to get out of this? as i come closer and closer to Christ, i realize how incredibly HOLY he is! look at me, then look at him. depravity...divinity. its the difference between light and dark. he is so, so, so holy! perfect in all ways, indescribably beatiful, wonderfully kind, and unfailing in love.
that he would love me is an incredibe mystery! that he would use me...ah!? he's insane!! i mean, its like trying to sail across the atlantic ocean in a sunken boat that's been pulled up from the ocean floor. but, ah, this is ridiculous. he does it! God, in his absolutely wonderous glory and strength is able to take us, as broken and as filthy as we might be, and change the world with us. that is amazing. that is incomprehensible.
david crowder's last album is called "a beautiful collision." in the front cover, a simple line reads:
"when our depravity meets His divinity it is a beautiful collision."
that's what its all about. the glory of it all is that Christ came down to save us from our depravity and give us life abundant. he never fails to bless us. all he asks for us in exchange for love, blessing, peace, eternal life, is our trust. he wants us to be all in for him. he asks us to bring ourselves to him, broken, unclean, and worthless. he wants us to turn in our old, tattered, beaten up lives in exchange for indescribably GOOD life through Christ.
so, i guess its just a daily decision to lay down my life for God's purpose, not my own. simple, yet profound. easy to understand, yet difficult to grasp. the good thing is God promises to do it for us. so, i'll put my trust in that promise...
i have been feeling so incredibly inadequate when it comes to God. high school is coming to a close, and this apathy (senioritis) is kicking in. i have little or no desire to be at school. today i went to school for one class - and that class was team sports. our teachers almost encourage us to take it easy and coast our way to the finish line. its getting really close. i'm anticipating the future. my mind is already on the summer and on next year. this shows in my attitude recently. i'm so undisciplined. the lack of passion for school is seeping into a lack of passion for life in general, and therefore is being translated into my walk with God. i'm spending time with God, but its almost an afterthought - which is ridiculous! my prayer life is suffering, my bible reading hasn't been quite as good. and, i feel it. i feel just this groaning and longing inside of me. i feel this discontent with the things of this world. i long for the unchanging, but i live inside this world of change.
anyways, i am failing! every day i do something that i wish i hadn't, or i don't do something that i should of. i see character flaws within myself, and they are so ugly. i am absolutely depraved.
at church last sunday, a missionary from Latvia spoke to us. he explained that the first question all foreigners ask about Latvia when they get there is why there are no crosses on their churches. instead of crosses, they have roosters...big ones. why are there roosters on top of Latvian churches rather than crosses? this missionary explained that the cross reminds us of what Jesus did for us - it is a religious symbol and makes us feel good about his sacrifice. the rooster, however, is a reminder of how many times we have denied Jesus, just like peter did 3 times before the rooster crowed. the rooster forces us to remember our sin, our shame and our position.
we are all sinners. even if we're christians, that doesn't mean we're better than others. a terrible tendency i have is a desire to compare myself to other christians to see how i'm doing. its easy, especially as a senior, to look around and feel pretty good about myself. i'm not as bad as that person. i read my bible more than she does. i don't sin that big. you know what i'm saying? BUT - humanity is not the standard. Christ is our example. we're on a journey in life to become more like him in his holiness and perfection. we'll never reach that goal, but hopefully we'll get closer and closer as life goes on.
so, as the rooster reminds me to look at myself in my condition, i find filth, trash, dirtiness, failure, and so on, and so forth. why does God even bother with me? he shows me love, and i fail. he forgives me, blesses me (why???), and for some reason i turn somewhere else for fleeting satisfaction. that's the state i'm in.
but, am i ever going to get out of this? as i come closer and closer to Christ, i realize how incredibly HOLY he is! look at me, then look at him. depravity...divinity. its the difference between light and dark. he is so, so, so holy! perfect in all ways, indescribably beatiful, wonderfully kind, and unfailing in love.
that he would love me is an incredibe mystery! that he would use me...ah!? he's insane!! i mean, its like trying to sail across the atlantic ocean in a sunken boat that's been pulled up from the ocean floor. but, ah, this is ridiculous. he does it! God, in his absolutely wonderous glory and strength is able to take us, as broken and as filthy as we might be, and change the world with us. that is amazing. that is incomprehensible.
david crowder's last album is called "a beautiful collision." in the front cover, a simple line reads:
"when our depravity meets His divinity it is a beautiful collision."
that's what its all about. the glory of it all is that Christ came down to save us from our depravity and give us life abundant. he never fails to bless us. all he asks for us in exchange for love, blessing, peace, eternal life, is our trust. he wants us to be all in for him. he asks us to bring ourselves to him, broken, unclean, and worthless. he wants us to turn in our old, tattered, beaten up lives in exchange for indescribably GOOD life through Christ.
so, i guess its just a daily decision to lay down my life for God's purpose, not my own. simple, yet profound. easy to understand, yet difficult to grasp. the good thing is God promises to do it for us. so, i'll put my trust in that promise...
02 May 2007
a problem and a prayer
why are things so hard sometimes?
i know that God has given us more than anything we could ever ask for or imagine. i know that he has given me life more abundantly. i know that in God is every good thing and from his hand comes all things beautiful. BUT - why can this life be so hard? emotionally, i'm shot right now. the past couple days have been really tough. i've been running around doing a lot of things that just need to get done. i've had only a couple hours at home. i feel so alone - this morning i went to pray for our school at 7 am, and i had invited everyone else to come to. i ended up being the only one there. one of my good friends walked by, but barely acknowledged me. that made the whole morning sort of sour. i had a good quiet time this afternoon. but, after that, things just seemed to get hard again. i came home, hoping to relax a little before riot. yet, when i get home, all my problems, worries and stressors have fallen on my head. little things bug me. i'm angry. how hard is this life? how does jesus have this much patience??
gosh...how do you expect me to do this God? it is so hard. i feel the burden, and i want to give it over to you, but its so heavy. i hardly feel like i can pass it off to you at all. i'm stuck. please, free me! i don't know what is going on, but i need you to change me. i need you to draw me closer to you. i don't know whats going on right now, but i really don't like it at all. is it my own fault? is it something you're bringing me through so that i might know you more? whatever it is, LORD, it doesn't matter. its only a part of this journey. all i want is to follow you, so if you're leading me through this, give me the strength to follow after you through these hard times...
and yet, when i think about it...this day isn't really that bad at all - what joy is found in the cross of Jesus Christ! focus me on that love that overflows to me through your gift of Christ dying on the cross to atone for my sins. that, LORD, is truly indescribable. keep my head up. don't let me look at myself and drown in self pity. just like peter on the lake, LORD, keep my eyes on you so that i don't sink. don't let my gaze drift to the raging storms around me. let me find peace in you, LORD. be my strength.
in the name of the only Jesus, Amen.
i know that God has given us more than anything we could ever ask for or imagine. i know that he has given me life more abundantly. i know that in God is every good thing and from his hand comes all things beautiful. BUT - why can this life be so hard? emotionally, i'm shot right now. the past couple days have been really tough. i've been running around doing a lot of things that just need to get done. i've had only a couple hours at home. i feel so alone - this morning i went to pray for our school at 7 am, and i had invited everyone else to come to. i ended up being the only one there. one of my good friends walked by, but barely acknowledged me. that made the whole morning sort of sour. i had a good quiet time this afternoon. but, after that, things just seemed to get hard again. i came home, hoping to relax a little before riot. yet, when i get home, all my problems, worries and stressors have fallen on my head. little things bug me. i'm angry. how hard is this life? how does jesus have this much patience??
gosh...how do you expect me to do this God? it is so hard. i feel the burden, and i want to give it over to you, but its so heavy. i hardly feel like i can pass it off to you at all. i'm stuck. please, free me! i don't know what is going on, but i need you to change me. i need you to draw me closer to you. i don't know whats going on right now, but i really don't like it at all. is it my own fault? is it something you're bringing me through so that i might know you more? whatever it is, LORD, it doesn't matter. its only a part of this journey. all i want is to follow you, so if you're leading me through this, give me the strength to follow after you through these hard times...
and yet, when i think about it...this day isn't really that bad at all - what joy is found in the cross of Jesus Christ! focus me on that love that overflows to me through your gift of Christ dying on the cross to atone for my sins. that, LORD, is truly indescribable. keep my head up. don't let me look at myself and drown in self pity. just like peter on the lake, LORD, keep my eyes on you so that i don't sink. don't let my gaze drift to the raging storms around me. let me find peace in you, LORD. be my strength.
in the name of the only Jesus, Amen.
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