a problem and a prayer

why are things so hard sometimes?

i know that God has given us more than anything we could ever ask for or imagine. i know that he has given me life more abundantly. i know that in God is every good thing and from his hand comes all things beautiful. BUT - why can this life be so hard? emotionally, i'm shot right now. the past couple days have been really tough. i've been running around doing a lot of things that just need to get done. i've had only a couple hours at home. i feel so alone - this morning i went to pray for our school at 7 am, and i had invited everyone else to come to. i ended up being the only one there. one of my good friends walked by, but barely acknowledged me. that made the whole morning sort of sour. i had a good quiet time this afternoon. but, after that, things just seemed to get hard again. i came home, hoping to relax a little before riot. yet, when i get home, all my problems, worries and stressors have fallen on my head. little things bug me. i'm angry. how hard is this life? how does jesus have this much patience??

gosh...how do you expect me to do this God? it is so hard. i feel the burden, and i want to give it over to you, but its so heavy. i hardly feel like i can pass it off to you at all. i'm stuck. please, free me! i don't know what is going on, but i need you to change me. i need you to draw me closer to you. i don't know whats going on right now, but i really don't like it at all. is it my own fault? is it something you're bringing me through so that i might know you more? whatever it is, LORD, it doesn't matter. its only a part of this journey. all i want is to follow you, so if you're leading me through this, give me the strength to follow after you through these hard times...

and yet, when i think about it...this day isn't really that bad at all - what joy is found in the cross of Jesus Christ! focus me on that love that overflows to me through your gift of Christ dying on the cross to atone for my sins. that, LORD, is truly indescribable. keep my head up. don't let me look at myself and drown in self pity. just like peter on the lake, LORD, keep my eyes on you so that i don't sink. don't let my gaze drift to the raging storms around me. let me find peace in you, LORD. be my strength.

in the name of the only Jesus, Amen.