bourne faith

there are so many uncertainties in life. things are really starting to change now that i'm heading off to college extremely soon. i move into my dorm room on wednesday, two-a-days start next monday, and, before i know it, school will be on its way. its exciting, but its also really scary. i'm so out of control. i don't know what's next. i'm in a bit of a waiting period. this is sort of the same with me and God. i have been getting into a bad habit of simply coming to him and reading and saying some stuff that i'm frustrated with, and then waking away. i haven't really been listening to God at all. i just spill my problems to him and then take off.

what would it look like if we all were able to really listen to what God was saying to us? wouldn't our lives be so much different? we wouldn't worry...we wouldn't be all that confused...we could be perfectly content in him. that's what i want to be able to do. for the past few years i have been praying that i would be a man after God's own heart, just like david. i want my heart to beat with God's. i want to walk with God like moses did. i want to see so much of his glory that my face burns and glows white because of it. i want to be so close to God that God himself would be the one to bury me, just like moses. i want to please God so much that he'll tell me "well done, good and faithful servant." i want my heart to pant after God's.

God has been teaching me a lot about the cornerstones of sanctification - faith, hope and love (1 corinthians 13). God inspires paul to write, "and now these three remain, faith hope and love - but the greatest of these is love." so many times in scripture i have been finding these three words in close proximity to each other. for example - hebrews 10:22-24 -

"let us draw near to God with full assurance of FAITH, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. let us hold unswervingly to the HOPE we profess, for he who promised is FAITHful. and let us consider how we may spur one another toward LOVE and good deeds..."

faith, hope and love seem to be incredibly important. God has been developing all three in me. more recently, he has specifically been developing my faith. that is partly what i mean by listening to God...when we listen, we take the attention off of ourselves and put it on God. this is what faith, or believing, is. tozer defines it like this -

"believing, then, is directing the heart's attention to Jesus. it is lifting the mind to "behold the Lamb of God," and never ceasing that beholding for the rest of our lives. "

and so, God has been teaching me to direct my gaze upon himself. he's telling me to quit trusting in myself, to stop worrying about what might happen, and just look at him and be satisfied. its funny how when we look to God, when our attention is fixed on him, things just seem to work out in our lives. isaiah 26:3 says "you keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on you..." this is so true. it is easy, especially with all this uncertainty surrounding me, to worry. i don't understand so much. i don't get what's going on so many times. i was telling this to addie a little while ago, and she said something that struck me. i told her that i didn't understand where God was taking me or what God was doing in my life. she said, "yeah, well, we aren't supposed to understand, are we?" ah, what a word from God! God doesn't want or need for us to understand. he wants us to trust him with our entire being, and in trusting him we honor him incredibly. when times get tough and it looks like things aren't going to work out or we don't know where things are going, God is in control, and he wants us to trust. i heard someone say that God is a last-minute God. its true...from our perspective. but, i think its not just because he wants to freak us out. he wants us to trust him. i think its part of God's adventurous side. he likes to be the hero, because he IS! i went to the midnight premiere of the bourne ultimatum the other night, and it was amazing! bourne is bomb. like, he'll get into situations where you think, "there's no way he can get out of this," or, "its impossible for him to do that," but he does. every time he does. i can't ruin the movie for you quite yet (so don't read this if you haven't seen it yet, just skip to the next paragraph), but there's this one part where bourne gets hurt, and is with this girl who is being tracked down by "the asset," i think his name was desh. anyway, they are in tangier, and bourne has to get to the girl before the hitman does. he's got the police on his tail, he's jumping from building to building, and, finally, just as the girl is about to be found and killed, bourne comes crashing through the window to defeat desh.

i think that's kinda how God is. he likes to put on a show a little, because he can. it is our place to trust and yield as he jumps from building to building in order to protect us...