depravity of humanity vs. divinity of the trinity

we are depraved. we live in a broken world. our very flesh is infected with desires that set themselves up against God. not only that, but the "prince of this world" is running around tempting us to fall into the traps that he has so cleverly set for us.

i have been feeling so incredibly inadequate when it comes to God. high school is coming to a close, and this apathy (senioritis) is kicking in. i have little or no desire to be at school. today i went to school for one class - and that class was team sports. our teachers almost encourage us to take it easy and coast our way to the finish line. its getting really close. i'm anticipating the future. my mind is already on the summer and on next year. this shows in my attitude recently. i'm so undisciplined. the lack of passion for school is seeping into a lack of passion for life in general, and therefore is being translated into my walk with God. i'm spending time with God, but its almost an afterthought - which is ridiculous! my prayer life is suffering, my bible reading hasn't been quite as good. and, i feel it. i feel just this groaning and longing inside of me. i feel this discontent with the things of this world. i long for the unchanging, but i live inside this world of change.

anyways, i am failing! every day i do something that i wish i hadn't, or i don't do something that i should of. i see character flaws within myself, and they are so ugly. i am absolutely depraved.

at church last sunday, a missionary from Latvia spoke to us. he explained that the first question all foreigners ask about Latvia when they get there is why there are no crosses on their churches. instead of crosses, they have roosters...big ones. why are there roosters on top of Latvian churches rather than crosses? this missionary explained that the cross reminds us of what Jesus did for us - it is a religious symbol and makes us feel good about his sacrifice. the rooster, however, is a reminder of how many times we have denied Jesus, just like peter did 3 times before the rooster crowed. the rooster forces us to remember our sin, our shame and our position.

we are all sinners. even if we're christians, that doesn't mean we're better than others. a terrible tendency i have is a desire to compare myself to other christians to see how i'm doing. its easy, especially as a senior, to look around and feel pretty good about myself. i'm not as bad as that person. i read my bible more than she does. i don't sin that big. you know what i'm saying? BUT - humanity is not the standard. Christ is our example. we're on a journey in life to become more like him in his holiness and perfection. we'll never reach that goal, but hopefully we'll get closer and closer as life goes on.

so, as the rooster reminds me to look at myself in my condition, i find filth, trash, dirtiness, failure, and so on, and so forth. why does God even bother with me? he shows me love, and i fail. he forgives me, blesses me (why???), and for some reason i turn somewhere else for fleeting satisfaction. that's the state i'm in.

but, am i ever going to get out of this? as i come closer and closer to Christ, i realize how incredibly HOLY he is! look at me, then look at him. depravity...divinity. its the difference between light and dark. he is so, so, so holy! perfect in all ways, indescribably beatiful, wonderfully kind, and unfailing in love.

that he would love me is an incredibe mystery! that he would use me...ah!? he's insane!! i mean, its like trying to sail across the atlantic ocean in a sunken boat that's been pulled up from the ocean floor. but, ah, this is ridiculous. he does it! God, in his absolutely wonderous glory and strength is able to take us, as broken and as filthy as we might be, and change the world with us. that is amazing. that is incomprehensible.

david crowder's last album is called "a beautiful collision." in the front cover, a simple line reads:
"when our depravity meets His divinity it is a beautiful collision."
that's what its all about. the glory of it all is that Christ came down to save us from our depravity and give us life abundant. he never fails to bless us. all he asks for us in exchange for love, blessing, peace, eternal life, is our trust. he wants us to be all in for him. he asks us to bring ourselves to him, broken, unclean, and worthless. he wants us to turn in our old, tattered, beaten up lives in exchange for indescribably GOOD life through Christ.

so, i guess its just a daily decision to lay down my life for God's purpose, not my own. simple, yet profound. easy to understand, yet difficult to grasp. the good thing is God promises to do it for us. so, i'll put my trust in that promise...