the gospel in the midst of tough times

this has been a tough couple months for me and many of my brothers and sisters. it seems like its all been coming to the surface the past couple weeks. with the house getting broken into and the turmoil that has followed, things have been stressful and burdensome there. for me, i haven't had a chance to rest until God answered my prayers and forced me to rest by making me sick. for others its relationships, doubts, lack of purpose, busyness, dryness, loneliness, and silence.

i'm very blessed by matt chandler. i know he's just a human being, but God has used him a whole lot in my life through his podcast. this morning i was praying and then a couple things happened. first (and i know that i will probably get made fun of for this reference to twitter), i saw matt chandler's twitter update: "Working on a series of blogs for pastors...My heart is heavy for them...isolated, lonely, frustrated, overwhelmed...you don't have to be!" those four words - isolated, lonely, frustrated, overwhelmed - really describe me as well as several of my friends at this moment. his comment, (you don't have to be), exposed the idolatry that was in my heart.

i then listened to his podcast from the week - a short, 20 minute reminder of the gospel.

see, i've always seem to operate under this fallacy. i think that if i am lonely, tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, busy, etc....then i'm pleasing God. i'm working hard. i'm being obedient to God. this is a lie that i continue to fall into. i think that if i spend myself for God, he will be more pleased with me. this isn't true because God is already pleased with me! he loves me so much that when i was at my worst he died for me. I don't need to earn his love! he's already given it all to me in Christ. all these things that i get to do now are blessings, not burdens.

ministry is not a burden that i must carry but a blessing that i get to steward.

this reminder of the gospel frees me. it gives me new joy and a new energy. though things in this world may not be ideal, the God who created this world loves me so much that he's called me his friend and has made me a co-heir with his son Jesus.

in the sermon i listened to, chandler ended it like this:

"we're celebrating that while we were at our worst Christ died for us, and that something happened when we became aware of that. Something happened in our minds and our hearts when we became aware of that that changed how we live day to day - not perfect, still busted, still fail, still are drawn to the flesh, but God slowly but surely making us more and more and more like him, and less and less and less like the distorted-viewing person we were - all the while letting us keep a little of our individuality...its the greatest story ever. "

this is the greatest story ever...and what a blessing it is to be a part of it.

need your prayers for myself and for the house church. pray that we'd be reminded of the gospel and that in the midst of these tests that God would saturate our hearts even more with this good news.

being robbed for jesus

last night the guys' house got broken into. nearly $3000 worth of stuff was taken from my brothers...none of my stuff was taken (most of my stuff was moved out just one week ago). i found this out early this morning from a phone call from jesse. his heart amazes me. he asked for prayer for wisdom on how to respond in the gospel. that is evidence of a heart changed by Christ's love...

i've had a little time to reflect and pray through things, and i've come to a few conclusions:

first, God knew that this was going to happen. we all knew this was going to happen when we moved into the neighborhood that we're in. so...he's in control, and i really do think that this happened for a purpose. God wants to bring some sort of good from this.

second, what an honor to be stolen from for the sake of the gospel! what an amazing opportunity to show our neighbors and the world that our treasure is not in the things of this world but is in Christ. how awesome is it to be able to be reminded that all of these things are temporary...

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal." mt. 6:19-20.

third, i think of what we went over in 1 corinthians 9 just a few days ago....paul says that he's become a servant to all. we are servants of this world, ministers of reconciliation. how can we serve the people who stole from us and show them the gospel? do we now have a connection with the gang scene in Salem and an opportunity to take the gospel into this dark place?

maybe i'm too optimistic or hopeful, but i do think that God could do some sweet stuff in this situation...lets be reminded of Jesus together as we bear each other's burdens in this.

this video seems to fit with what just happened:

having Jesus as your mentor

all my life i have had a lot of interaction with pastors...i think it probably has to do with the fact that i want to be one.

through my interaction, i have been "mentored" by several different people. today, i had an experience that reminded me of my interaction with doug over the past couple of years.

many times, i'll meet up with a pastor and be eager to talk about ministry because i like ministry. i don't meet many people who actually enjoy talking about what commentaries are good for studying the book of first corinthians, biblical church government, contextualization, dispensationalism...or any other -ation's or -ism's. i realize that i am a huge nerd when it comes to that. so when i get a chance to talk with another pastor nerd guy, that's usually what i have questions about and what he wants to talk about as well.

i have had many experiences with pastors that are all about going through a book together or working through a series of questions or accomplishing something during our meeting...but i have met few that will share their life with me.

many of you know the impact that Doug Murphy has had on me. i remember being so excited to go to credo my freshman year of college, wanting to get involved in a deeper way. i asked doug if i could start helping him with some stuff with credo. he agreed and told me to come into the office every monday afternoon for a couple hours.

i was so excited at first - getting to help doug with ministry at credo and get more ministry experience. i remember very distinctly the first time that we got together. doug had his feet up on one of the several chairs in his office...i walked in...he pounded my fist...and he says, "how's it going? what's going on? what's new and exciting?" i told him some of the things that were going on with me and asked the same question of him. he replied with some of the things he was wrestling with with ministry and in his relationship with God.

after doug finished this, i expected for him to have something for me to do or for us to talk about some sort of cool new ministry strategy...but we never did. we just talked about life, about the things that we were both wrestling with. and that was it. i went back to school after that.

the next week, the same thing happened...doug there sending friend requests to random people on facebook and with his feet up on one of the chairs in his office...another fist pound...and the same question - "anything new and exciting?" i told him what had been going on, and then he went into how he'd been wrestling with a similar thing...and once again. no talk about cool ministry strategies or things that he wanted me to do for credo.

this continued to happen, and i honestly was a little frustrated. this was not my normal experience with pastors. they were supposed to make me busy with things to do for ministry...not actually talk to me and know me and share their life with me! i was legitimately confused as to why this wasn't happening.

but, we continued to just share life experiences week after week. some weeks we would go through a passage that doug was preaching on at credo. other weeks we would listen to a podcast and talk through it...but nothing all that structured, and it wasn't like Doug had this grand idea of all these things that he wanted to teach me. he just shared his life with me - his struggles with God and family, his heart about ministry, his stories of ultimate fighting...



i'm in the middle of networking with some pastors around here, and it makes me sad that it seems like every time we meet we talk about ministry more than real life. i don't know a whole lot of them. they don't know a whole lot of me.

it makes me think - what would it be like if Jesus was your pastor and you were to meet with him? how would those conversations go? would he talk about what he wanted you to do, or would he share stories? would he go through the Bible with you? would he tell you how he was feeling and what he was struggling with?

i think that meeting wtih Jesus would be a lot like meeting with doug...that is, meeting with doug would probably be a lot like meeting with Jesus. and i think that some of us would react in the same way...a little frustrated with him and wondering why we were talking about things.

a little while after doug's been gone, and i appreciate him a whole lot more...but more importantly...i appreciate Jesus a whole lot more.

living in our identity - servants, part 1

"Paul, a servant​ of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God..."
Romans 1:1

when we began studying first corinthians as a church during the summer, we spent several weeks talking about our identity in Christ. we spoke of all the glorious facets of the new identity that God has given to us in Christ Jesus - we've been "enriched in him," "not lacking any spiritual gift," etc. we talked about what our lives would look life if our primary identity, the identity by which we thought of ourselves as, was the identity given to us by Jesus.

i was struck by Paul's primary identity as i started reading Romans yesterday. he refers to himself as, first a servant, then an apostle, and finally as set apart for the gospel. this is not the only time that Paul starts out a letter with these words. just look at the introduction to any of his other letters and these will pop up. therefore, it seems reasonable to think that Paul first thought of himself in these three manners.

these three words are loaded with meaning...

first, Paul refers to himself as a servant. this is the response to the gospel that we must all take on. Jesus came among us as one who serves (John 13). he came off of his glorious throne, and instead of hearing the songs of angels, he chose to endure the taunts of his creation. he came to serve us all in the greatest way by dying for our sins on the cross and giving us new life through his resurrection.

Jesus called Paul to the same life that he lived. he gave Paul a new identity. instead of being a slave of religion and a slave of sin, he became a slave of righteousness. this is the only reasonable response to the one who bought us out of slavery to sin by his blood. we become servants of God.

do you see how that carries over for us? when we repent and submit to God as Lord, we are his servants. this isn't a burdensome affair but instead a great joy.

think of your dream job, whatever it may be. for me, one of the things i have always wanted to do is play soccer professionally. well, that didn't work out, but i now am a coach...and that's my job. i get paid to coach. in one way i am a servant of the club that i work for. i serve the players on my team and the parents of those players. this is no burden. it is an incredible honor to do the thing that i love and get paid for it. i look forward to practices and games, and i enjoy the time that i am working.

in the same way, being a servant of Jesus is way better than anything else we could ever even imagine. think about having a master that literally died in your place so that you may live. and now he wants you to do his work! this is how it worked for Paul.

it wasn't his glory that he was working for - it was the glory of God.

it wasn't his work that he was doing - it was the work of God.

it wasn't even his strength by which he was doing the work - it was the power of God.

what would it look like if the way you thought of yourself most often was as a "servant of Christ Jesus?" how would your motivations change, and what would your attitude be toward prayer, evangelism, service, etc.?

my prayer is that my life would be marked by the identity of servant....that i would be "collin, a servant of Christ Jesus..."

epic date fail.

this was something i didn't have time to finish a couple months ago (7/29/09) that i figured i'd get done tonight. i hope you enjoy it.

so...let me tell you about my ridiculous date with addie today. we had planned to go to the coast to get out of the heat, and the weather said it'd be 85 and sunny in pacific city. we left this afternoon. just a little before reaching lincoln city, we hit lots of traffic and so i decided to try a different route to pacific city that i was pretty sure would work. i became more and more doubtful as we continued to go but not see any signs for pacific city...only tillamook and astoria. addie and i were contemplating going to tillamook when we did find a sign for pacific city...but since the weather looked a little sketchy and we thought it might be warmer up north, we went to tillamook.

once we got to tillamook, we realized there was no beach there...neither of us had ever been to tillamook before, and we just assumed that it would be easy to find somewhere to hang out on the beach. well, we were wrong. so, we just decided to head back to pacific city.

after 3+ hours of sitting in the car, we finally reached pacific city. when we got there, it was crowded, cold, and cloudy. because it took til dinnertime to get there, we went to a restaurant...it was packed. we ordered some fish and chips to go since the wait would have been a little ridiculous. a few minutes after placing our order, the waitress came to us and told us that they were out of fries...just our luck. we opted for "fish and salad" instead.

after receiving our fish and salad, we climbed to the top of the dune at pacific city. it would have been pretty cool except that we could hardly see the ocean because of how foggy it was. also, it was crowded...and addie was getting goosebumps because of the cool breeze. after sitting up there for a while (our plan was to watch the sunset, but it never cleared up enough), we decided it was time to head back. it was earlier than we expected to be back, so we figured we'd get a simple dessert - frosties from wendy's. well...wouldn't you know that their chocolate frosty machine was broken. addie and i decided we'd give the vanilla frosties a shot, and after a few bites we threw them away...

still, the night was young, and there might have been a chance to redeem it if we did something fun. so, addie and i went to mckinley and stargazed in the middle of the field. it was going well...a good, clear, warm night in salem...until....the sprinklers came on. addie and i scurried out of the way onto the path and were admiring the series of unfortunate circumstances that plagued us during the day, watching the sprinklers do their thing. well...wouldn't you know that the sprinklers didn't stop at the path - they just kept going....so, to conclude our night, we got soaked by the sprinklers. perfect ending to a perfect day;)

i would consider this the most epic date failure i've ever heard about. i mean, it was a good attempt, right? but, just about everything that possibly could have gone wrong...did. i'm laughing as i think about it....how could that have possibly gone so wrong!? haha...ah man.

in light of all the mishaps of the day, addie and i spent much of the day laughing and smiling. that's one of the reasons that i like her a whole bunch. we're able to aimlessly sit in the car for several hours, arrive at an undesirable beach situation, eat fish and salad, shiver on top of a crowded dune, try terrible vanilla frosties, and get sprayed by the sprinklers in the middle of stargazing....and still laugh through it all. there's a phrase that i heard from one of my teachers a lot in high school. she said, "it's not about the destination; it's about the journey." that almost had to be true for addie and i today...i'm very thankful for her and her patience. it's a huge blessing to get to walk through life with her...and laugh along the way at what life throws at us.

back to corban and frustrating christian culture

well, i've completed my first several days back at Corban, and it has been quite the experience. honestly, it has been very difficult. i had an amazing summer getting to live things out with my closest friends and enjoying Jesus together...it is hard to go back to school and see things change so dramatically.

the way that i think about life, about God, and about ministry has been transformed. God has been so gracious and loving to me by teaching me more about himself and what it means to follow him this summer. therefore, coming back to Corban has been a bit of a shock. i honestly was dreading it...

here's a few of the things that i've noticed/several experiences that i've had. as you read them please remember that God has been graciously teaching me these things...what i will describe about Corban is what i was just a few short years ago. praise God that he has been teaching me his gospel these past years.

first, Corban is such a bubble. the predominant view of church is that it is a refuge from the ills of society and culture. even though the mission statement says that Corban is trying to educate Christians to make a difference in the world for Jesus, it isn't practiced on a daily basis. that time of making a difference nearly always seems to be off in the future and not right now. therefore, we are content to do what we want during these four years of our lives rather than being obedient to God's call.

secondly, Corban is information and knowledge centered. this isn't wrong, especially since it is a school. the problem is that it is incomplete. like i said, Corban's mission statement is to educate Christians to make a difference in the world for Jesus. if this is purely cognitive education and information transfer, is this possible? is that even the way that Jesus taught his disciples?
let me give an example to illustrate this. in my class on world religions, the professor said that he hoped that we would use the information we gather about religions to someday teach a seminar or a sunday school class. now, wait a minute. i was under the impression that we would learn about other religions in order to more adequately share the gospel with others...yet, one of the goals of the class was to continue the information transfer to other christians instead of bringing the gospel to the lost.
i am not saying that seminars and learning are bad - just incomplete. many times it is a word of information, a sermon, or a book that creates change - but the goal behind teaching and eduaction must be life change and action. without action, learning dies. its sphere is limited to the brain and it never has the chance to demonstrate itself in changed hearts and lives and cities. action must accompany knowledge...and teaching must not be limited merely to knowledge transfer. it must be expanded to experience - that's why i appreciated Apologetics class with Anderson last year. we learned it, but we were actually required to practice it by interacting with unbelievers a few times over the semester. we need more of that at Corban. more experience. more action...

third, i've seen this individualistic, self-better ment sort of Christianity prominent in Corban's thinking. this, in fact, is all over evangelicalism, but i feel like i see this better in contrast to what we had the privilege of doing this summer. the attitude that i am speaking of goes like this: i am a Christian; therefore, in order to be a better Christian and be more joyful, i read my bible more, pray, go to chapel, serve in some way, etc. now, this looks harmless on the surface, but this is such a self-centered view of what it means to be a Christ follower. so much of what we do in Christian culture is all about ourselves! bible studies, spiritualized self-help books, experience oriented worship services, and even some mission trips are all about ourselves! how can i become a better Christian, be happier, feel less guilt...etc.

this attitude is deep within all of us. the past summer i came to a much deeper realization of how self-centered i really was. planting the church, i started out by using Jesse, my partner in the plant, to serve me and help me accomplish my goals for the church. i can't count how many times God exposed the ugliness of my selfishness in my interactions with him, especially that first month or two. God impressed upon me that a leader has to be the greatest servant of all by reminding me of his interactions with his disciples - and that means just giving and giving and giving....its not easy, but God has given us everything in the entire world - can't we give some of that away?!

this attitude is contrary to the gospel. if we are to be disciples of Jesus, we must learn to humbly, selflessly give all that we have. this goes against our flesh - even Christian culture. Jesus was the greatest, most selfless giver of all. he gave his life for his enemies - us! the gospel is inherently outward focused. it is good news that must be preached to those who need it. the gospel always goes out, just like Jesus stepped out of heaven and off of his throne in order to die our death for us on a cross. now, if we are going to follow Jesus and be his disciples, then we must do the same. we must step out of where is comfortable for us and go into the darkness. we must give of ourselves to the point that it hurts. that's what Jesus means when he says that we must lose our lives for his sake....and the beauty of that is that we actually find life when we lose our own.

so, Corban, we need a change. forget the way that we've always done things and what we're used to. much of it doesn't really look like Jesus. yet he loves us so much that he continues to pursue us dispite our idolatry and self-centeredness. he wants to change us. he desires to use our little city on a hill in order to transform Salem...not sometime in the future after we have our education, but right now. God is calling us to be a part of his glorious and life-giving plan right now. will we accept the invitation?

always an adventure...

i've said it many times, but this summer i have learned so much through reconciliation and living out the call of the gospel together with others. one of the things that has been on my mind a lot lately is this idea of losing my life for the sake of Christ. i've wanted this and heard it talked about for a while, but now i'm actually seeing this happen in my life and in so many people around me. i'm seeing my friends and family actually give up things (time, money, school, approval of parents, etc.) in order to be obedient to God's calling in their lives....its ridiculous, but so exciting.

i read a blog yesterday titled "adventures in church planting." here's a quote from it:

The church that I've been privileged to help plant, Grace, is approaching the two year mark in September. It's been a journey of ups and downs, despair and joy, setbacks and progress. I've learned more about myself and my strengths and weaknesses than any Keirsey report could ever show. My idolatries of being successful or important are constantly exposed by the tossing waves of weekly attendance or offerings. Yet in the midst of this cauldron of insecurities and challenges, I feel more alive than ever.

Church planting is epic. By that I mean that church planting is a series of adventurous and heroic acts over a long period of time. It's not like a two-hour movie where everything is resolved conveniently in time for dinner. This is an epic marked with miraculous provision, lives being transformed before your very eyes, and twists and turns that you could never have imagined. In short, it's the adventure of a lifetime.

i can attest to the fact that this summer has been quite the adventure...ups, downs, setbacks, breakthroughs, changes, and transformations. i have been blessed to be a part of it. i feel like God is just beginning to take me on this grand adventure that he has in store for me as i lose my life for the sake of the gospel.

take last night for example. i met with several church leaders from some new church plants in salem. we shared the stories of how God has worked to create these communities of Christ-followers that he's letting us lead. as i was listening, i saw lives that had given up better jobs, careers, comfortability, time, and preference all for the sake of Christ. one lady that just helped start a church for the homeless said, "my life is crazy right now. i can't believe i'm actually living this." others had given up jobs, chosen to move somewhere they didn't really want to be, or put themselves in a position of financial uncertainty...because of Jesus.

man, nothing makes you more bold than seeing others actually live out what the pages of the Bible say. that's how transformation happens so often...seeing someone just lose himself for Christ and experience the deep joy that comes from that. at the end of our time last night, one person read habakkuk 1:5 - "look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told." at first, i heard that and was a bit skeptical...like, "oh, that's a cool verse to read...quaint and inspiring but not really true." then, i began to think about my life these past several months...couple years...and think about if someone told me this is where i'd be at right now a few years ago, i would have definitely have told them, "yeah right..."

God is moving. he always is. he's always beckoning us to himself and inviting us to join in his glorious plan for the redemption of humanity. its a privilege, not a gulit-ridden duty, to be a part of this. i'm excited (and slightly scared) about the adventure that he's taking me on...

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glor in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
ephesians 3:20-21

reflections on summer so far

this summer has been one of the best summers of my life.

at the beginning of may, six of us moved into this house on 15th street with a vision to live out community and reach out to the neighborhood around us. shortly thereafter, 10 people came together to launch a house church - reconciliation. the vision for this quickly expanded beyond what i ever could have imagined.

i can't explain the incredible feeling of living with purpose alongside brothers and sisters. yes, there have been many difficult things this summer...including conflict, discouragement, depression, apathy, and exhaustion. but, wow, its been so worth it.

you wouldn't think that using your free time to do yardwork for your neighbors on a weekly basis or hang out with people that you wouldn't normally hang out with would be the most fun...but i have found that it really is. i can't explain it, but when you do things selflessly and forget about what you'd like to do, you find that it is the most satisfying thing in the world.

the reason this summer has been so great isn't because we've done all these incredible things or anything....it is because of the relationships that have such depth to them. for example, we've been doing yardwork at cindy newman's house all summer, and i value the relationships with her and savannah so much. we're family, and we look out for each other, laugh with each other, and get to experience Jesus together. or take relationships in the church - the depth of my relationships with carter, jesse, brad, brent, randy, elliot, my dad, ian, dan, david, addie, sam, juli, maig, marianne, sarah, brianna....ah. there's nothing like it. seriously. it is so cool to be able to come together with people around a common vision and see God work to accomplish it. these are my brothers and sisters, and i'm blessed so much by them.

obviously we've got a long ways to go. we don't know how to really live in community or reach out together. we all need more boldness. we're not sure how to show the gospel to a community....but, God is moving. things are happening. i look back upon this summer so far and see the many ways that God has moved to mature us and make us more like him.

so, i just am sitting here this morning after going on a walk amazed at God's faithfulness this summer. i want more of him. i want for him to take all of us...he's so great!