overflow last night

i am continually amazed how God is so faithful to meet us every time we seek after him. last night was our third overflow, and i have to say, i was pretty discouraged toward the beginning of the night...only a couple people there and things were already so far from what i had planned. yet, as the night wore on, God took the plans that i had made for the night and turned them on their head. things didn't go according to the schedule, but, instead of me leading the night, the Spirit began to lead - which is always incredible.

people talk about hearing God's voice, and for the longest time when i was younger i didn't know what that meant. was it an audible voice? was it some distinct voice in my head? a verse? yet, during these long nights of intercession, i think i'm beginning to understand what God's voice sounds like. it's strong and gentle - soft and full of love, and at the same time powerful and authoritative.

i believe God spoke to us last night through his Spirit. first, i'm convinced that we're broken vessels that are privileged to have a chance to be used by God. God is leading those who are in love with him to deeper things - to sacrifice, service, love, and deep commitment. if Salem is to be awakened from its apathy, then lovers of God are going to have to do the things that no one else is doing, a level of love and commitment that this city hasn't seen before. i'm convinced that God's calling us to be more radical in loving, giving, and serving than anything the church in Salem has ever seen.

second, it is by God's wisdom and his leading that the church in Salem will rise up and reach out to the unreached within its own borders. he will lead us. all we have to do is obey, which can be frightening and uncomfortable at times. but we must remember that it is God's power for God's work.

last, i'm certain God is just dying to pour out is love to us in its fulness. he did die for us, and he wants us to experience more of the abundant, full, eternal life that he has called us to. this life costs us everything - but its more than worth it.


Lord, thanks for your faithfulness to always meeting us when we seek you.

the centrality of the cross

i have been reminded of the centrality of the gospel. reading in Luke of the passion of the Christ, listening to a few messages that hit on the gospel, and starting Death By Love by driscoll and bershears have been really making me think. during the break, I didn't really feel a love for God in my own heart. honestly, my desire and preference were to spend time with addie instead of pursuing God, and i often did instead of being with Christ. i prayed for God to make me love him, to put that desire within my heart for more of him, but nothing really seemed to happen. no new desire or want to even spend time with God. 

 yet, after reading God's word about Christ's work on the cross, i was filled with awe and wonder, and my heart was stirred within me. If there is no content to love, then it is meaningless. Matt Chandler gave the example of telling the girl you are dating, "baby, i love your beautiful blue eyes" - but she doesn't have blue eyes...the statement is meaningless. there is no basis for love. on the other hand, when love is grounded on a solid foundation, it is a beautiful thing. 

my love for God grows and gains better footing on the ground before the cross. 

my love expands as i grasp the act of Christ in which he showed me the full extent of his love. 

even as i have been going over the gospel more and more, meditating on it and reading about how Jesus was born to die, how he came and bore all of God's wrath and punishment that was supposed to be directed at my head, giving me the life that i do not deserve. he substituted himself to take what only i deserve. john stott puts it this way:

the concept of substitution may be said, then, to lie at the heart of both sin and salvation. for the essence of sin is man substituting himself for God, while the essence of salvation is God substituting himself for man. man asserts himself against God and puts himself where only God deserves to be; God sacrifices himself for man and puts himself where only man deserves to be. Man claims prerogatives which belong to God alone; God accepts penalties which belong to man alone. 

 

as i think about the cross as the fullest demonstration of God's love for me, i can't help but be compelled towoard his father heart.

the cross of Christ is central to the love of God.

a quick thought

its a little bit strange being back at home for christmas. things have been good with family, and its been fun having some snow around. yet, i haven't really had any chances to hang out with people yet this break. its a little strange...

when i'm alone, i have a lot more time to think. i've been reflecting on the past semester and looking toward the future, and most of my thoughts have centered on what the church looks like/should look like in salem. i have many criticisms for the church, and yet at the same time, i realize that i must be a part of the solution. tozer said that every movement of the church begins with the individual, and i believe that is very true.

how can we reach out to the unreached in salem? jesus said that they would see him in our love for one another. i read a book on prayer by shane claiborne, and he said, "it takes a community to reach a community." how true. yet, when we come to share the gospel with a group of street kids or protestors at the capital building, it almost seems as if their community is as good if not better than the community we have to offer as christians.


maybe its just where i'm at right now in life, but i feel alone tonight in the weirdest of ways. back from school, away from my "school friends" and yet nowhere near my "old friends." what a weird thing friends are!

some random thoughts from the gov cup

luke 4

first temptiation- representative of God's care and provision.

one's well being is not limited to being "well fed." Jesus trusts that although the Spirit of God led him into the desert, his promise to take care of him will not fail in the wilderness. matt chandler said in a message today that when he seems to be obeying, following and trusting Christ with everything he's got and things aren't really going the way that they should, then his natural tendency is to look for an easy way out. that's me right now. i feel like i'm doing what i can to seek the Lord and be obedient to him, and yet things really don't seem like they are going my way. i'm being frustrated at every turn.

this is me right now. i feel as if i have been led into the wilderness this summer. my plans have been thwarted over and over again. austria...not happening due to my surgery. ministry with credo...down the drain with doug's absence at morning star. job at Great Harvest...frustrated by a longer recovery from surgery than anticipated. the past few days i have been extremely frustrated at the prospect of doing nothing every day. things look real bleak. i have no income, and i have no place to work.

yet I must trust that God is taking care of me. these circumstances have all been outside of my control. its amazing that God would even think of me in this hard(er) time. he does, and he gives me comfort throughout this time. i must do my best to just keep at it. sometimes that's how its got to be i guess.

have you ever ran long enough and hard enough that your legs felt completely disconnected from your body? this used to happen a lot more than it does when i'm on crutches. i remember time and time again where i've been at soccer practice doing windsprints with eric johnasen standing there mercilessly. we would do these things called "scottish 18's." 18 full-field sprints in 18 seconds each with an 18 second break inbetween each. for the first few, things would be easy. i'd be laughing with my teammates and just sort of having a good time before the pain hit in. then, the pain started to come. you're body started yelling at you and telling you to stop. then, probably like the last 3 or 4 sprints, your legs just completely disappeared. you willed yourself to just start your legs going, and then somehow you started moving toward the other end of the field.

during that stage where you cannot feel your legs and you really don't know why you're body is moving, your body gains the most. sometimes i feel this way in my relationship with the Lord - i feel nothing, and it seems like i'm just going through the motions. everything inside me asks why i'm doing this...seeking a God that seems to be silent, putting effort into something that yields nothing, trying to listen to God when he doesn't seem to be saying anything.

and yet, its moments like these when God's goodness makes absolutely no sense. at some point, he always rescues us. when things are bleak and we're about to turn back, God gives us a word of comfort, something as much as having a familiar face sit down and listen to you at a coffee shop where you're writing this.

press on, keep going...by his grace we will know the Lord and worship him in Spirit and truth.

sorrowful, yet always rejoicing

"We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses...dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.
We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also."

2 corinthians 6:3,4, 9-13



addie brought this passage to my attention this weekend. now it burns within me...and yet to me God speaks differently than he spoke to her. his word is living and active.

all i can say is that you can take this world from me. i don't need it anymore, for i am finally free...my hear is spoken for by the LORD God Almighty. i want jesus more than anything. i feel what Paul is talking about this week. circumstances so quickly shift, and things have been good and bad. tonight, more news brings me down, and my heart burns especially for my friends and my roommate right now.

bad news makes me sorrowful, and many of my circumstances should make me feel down. yet i have this incomprehensible joy that envelops me each day. although i feel absolute sorrow about certain circumstances, i cannot help but smile at the thought of my Lord Jesus Christ. i can't contain it. i must tell everyone i meet of the amazing things that God has done for me. i just can't contain it. i must tell. i must.

during my sophomore year i told god for the first time in my life that he could touch any part of my life, taking away whatever he wanted to, just so that i could know God more. i look back and realize that my life has taken a drastic turn since then...full of sorrow, pain, discomfort, and difficulty. yet, i wouldn't trade any of these experiences for the insurpassible greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

hallelu jah, praise the Lord!

at your feet

jesus be my portion
jesus be my king
lover of souls i am giving you all i have
because i know all that i need i will find at your feet

i know all that i need i will find at your feet.


what can i do but lay it all down before God? times are confusing and disorienting. the future still seems to be clouded by this fog of uncertainty. my desires conflict with one another - i want God, and yet i find myself wanting the things of this world.

what can i do but set all that i can offer at the foot of the cross? i don't have much to offer at all. i've learned to a greater depth this year that my strengths turn to weakness in view of the lord. i don't really have much that is good to offer to God. yet, he wants it all. he's called me to step into the light of his presence so that i can see myself for who i really am - a redeemed child of God by the blood of jesus. and so, i set everything i have before the cross of Jesus Christ, and in his mercy God looks upon me in love.

what else is there to do but to let God have his way in me? looking back at this year, i know i have made mistake after mistake. yet, God in his mercy has been patient with me. he is "the only wise God" (romans 11). my wisdom and understanding mean nothing. he is the one that is working in me to work and to act according to his good purpose.


be lifted high in my life, Lord. in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen.

the official uncertain announcement

Hello everyone,

I made a decision last year to come to Corban College. Although a large part of me felt like going somewhere a bit further from home, I felt like God was leading me to Corban’s campus. Whenever people would ask me about where I was going for college, I always replied with a certain amount of uncertainty – “I’ll be at Corban next year, but that’s about as far as I know.”
Well, still with a great deal of uncertainty I am announcing to you my tentative plans for next year, and they are a bit less comfortable than staying in my hometown. I feel like God is calling me to do soccer ministry in Austria next year. Through the Cascade Surge and Vanguard Ministries, I have the opportunity to play semi-pro soccer in Vienna and do missions work for 10 months, beginning this August. I will be playing with the Cascade Surge this summer, and after their season ends I will be flying to Austria to begin training with a club over there. I don’t know which club yet, but I will be trying out for several teams in late June. I’m not exactly sure what I would be doing in Vienna, much less if I will make a team, but I have been in contact with the two players that are over there now. They have been ministering to Turkish Muslims, running a Bible Study with university students, and sharing the gospel with their teammates. I would imagine that I would be doing something similar.
You will notice that there’s a lot of I’m not exactly sure’s, I don’t know’s, and generally uncertain statements in my writing. Well, that’s because that’s where I’m at. For whatever reason, I feel like God wants me over there in Vienna next year. This really doesn’t make sense when I consider my health as of late. Since the end of soccer in the fall, I have been dealing with a sprained knee, torn ab, tendonitis in my hip, and now possibly a hernia. I sound like an old man, and I know that if I play for a year in Austria, I’ll probably be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. But, like I said, I feel like God’s leading me to Austria.
I’m reading a book called The Signature of Jesus by Brennan Manning, and he speaks of a faith beyond certainty:
“God calls us to break camp, abandon the comfort and security of the status quo, and embark in perilous freedom on the journey to a new Canaan [just like God called Abraham to do]…I wanted God to sketch out definite lines so that I might now explicitly where I was going. Of course, authentic faith eludes such certainty. It means we cannot cling to anything. We always must leave something behind and not look back.”
So, I feel like this is the direction Jesus is going, and I want to follow him into the questions.
There are two things I need from you as my friends. One, I feel, is much more important than the other - will you please pray for me? Although nothing really seems to make sense at this point, I know that if God wants me in Austria next year, he can get me there. Pray that, if it is his will, I would be able to learn German, get healthy, raise money, and make a team. Pray that if this is what he wants things would just fall into place as he desires. The second and less important but still necessary thing that I’m going to need is money. As far as I know I would be paid on a weekly basis depending on the result of the game. That means no cash if I don’t play or my team doesn’t win or tie. So, please pray about supporting me along with your other prayers.
Thank you so much for the support that you have already given to me. To him be all the glory.

collin

sickly reflections

God sometimes has some very strange answers to prayer. i think this week has been one of those.

i have been super busy for probably a month or so, barely making it by after doing teachings, homework, meeting with people, and (this last weekend) a church camp. everything has been great, but i've come to places where i have been absolutely on empty - completely drained and energy-less. in my prayers i have told God about how exhausted i've been. i remember just sort of a passing comment i made to him...that it would be nice to have just one week off. well...i think he answered that prayer this week.

after an incredible weekend at high school camp, i came home on monday feeling absolutely horrendous. i took a shower and climbed into bed. i got up briefly that night, but stayed in bed til the next night at 5:30. since then i've been laying in bed for 80 or 90% of this week...ridiculous. the most frustrating part about it is that i can't focus. whenever i try to read, do homework, talk...pretty much anything i try to do other than sleeping...i get super tired. tonight is the first night all week that i've had enough energy to walk down to get dinner for myself. its the first day that i was able to read my bible for more than 5 minutes. it was the first day that i've been able to have something that resembles conversation in one week...

i have been so frustrated because i haven't been able to get anything done..at all. i've been feeling like this week has been a complete waste. i could at least have read or finished some homework or something, but no...i have simply taken up space. i'm kind of a really driven guy, so sitting around and not getting anything accomplished might be ok for my friend carter (who i can't make fun of in person because he's being savage in new zealand), but it has been really hard for me.

as i've been laying in bed and thinking, God hasn't really spoken to me in any super clear way, but i think there is one thing that i can take away from this week of nothingness. God doesn't want me to have a list of things i need to accomplish for him every day. i don't need to get a certain amount of things done, because if i'm honest i have not once finished all of the things i wanted to get to on my list. but, that's life. its meant to be random. its meant to be interrupted and lived, not planned out and robot-like. God wants me to simply "be" with him, even if that means laying in his arms for a whole week, not saying anything really all that special to him, but just being with him. that's what i've done this week. i haven't prayed a lot, and i haven't read a lot, but God's with me and i'm with him. that's what makes this week good.

peter came into my room and said that there's no such thing as a wasted day. this is true. life's an adventure and every day is another chance to write another page in the story...

wow, i made it through typing and i don't feel like i have to lay in bed for another two hours to regain my energy:)