sickly reflections

God sometimes has some very strange answers to prayer. i think this week has been one of those.

i have been super busy for probably a month or so, barely making it by after doing teachings, homework, meeting with people, and (this last weekend) a church camp. everything has been great, but i've come to places where i have been absolutely on empty - completely drained and energy-less. in my prayers i have told God about how exhausted i've been. i remember just sort of a passing comment i made to him...that it would be nice to have just one week off. well...i think he answered that prayer this week.

after an incredible weekend at high school camp, i came home on monday feeling absolutely horrendous. i took a shower and climbed into bed. i got up briefly that night, but stayed in bed til the next night at 5:30. since then i've been laying in bed for 80 or 90% of this week...ridiculous. the most frustrating part about it is that i can't focus. whenever i try to read, do homework, talk...pretty much anything i try to do other than sleeping...i get super tired. tonight is the first night all week that i've had enough energy to walk down to get dinner for myself. its the first day that i was able to read my bible for more than 5 minutes. it was the first day that i've been able to have something that resembles conversation in one week...

i have been so frustrated because i haven't been able to get anything done..at all. i've been feeling like this week has been a complete waste. i could at least have read or finished some homework or something, but no...i have simply taken up space. i'm kind of a really driven guy, so sitting around and not getting anything accomplished might be ok for my friend carter (who i can't make fun of in person because he's being savage in new zealand), but it has been really hard for me.

as i've been laying in bed and thinking, God hasn't really spoken to me in any super clear way, but i think there is one thing that i can take away from this week of nothingness. God doesn't want me to have a list of things i need to accomplish for him every day. i don't need to get a certain amount of things done, because if i'm honest i have not once finished all of the things i wanted to get to on my list. but, that's life. its meant to be random. its meant to be interrupted and lived, not planned out and robot-like. God wants me to simply "be" with him, even if that means laying in his arms for a whole week, not saying anything really all that special to him, but just being with him. that's what i've done this week. i haven't prayed a lot, and i haven't read a lot, but God's with me and i'm with him. that's what makes this week good.

peter came into my room and said that there's no such thing as a wasted day. this is true. life's an adventure and every day is another chance to write another page in the story...

wow, i made it through typing and i don't feel like i have to lay in bed for another two hours to regain my energy:)