the idol of ministry

this summer is flying by...so fast that i've hardly had many chances to write anything. i have been consumed with things at the house and with the church. i have been pouring my energy into preparing sermons and dreaming of what things could be.

tonight is a sabbath rest of sorts. i have been doing my best to take time away from doing things and trying to simply be in God's presence and rest in the knowledge that his work will go on even if i am not busying myself to the point of exhaustion. however, i am still not very good at this...i feel like i have rested a good amount, and yet i know that tonight i am in need of more rest. this weekend was pretty chaotic - birthday celebrations with family and friends, as well as more hours than usual at work. and, in the midst of going through life, somehow my attention was turned away from the gospel (yet again...i'm sensing a pattern) and inward toward myself. an overwhelming wave of depression of discouragement overtook me and i began to see all the trees in my life that are not bearing fruit, conveniently overlooking every evidence of the grace of God in my life. i felt justified in my discouragement and frustration, and, while hanging out with addie today, i finally lost it. praise God for her and the truth that she was able to speak to me, reminding me that the weight of the world actually is not on my shoulders. what God is doing in this city is God's work and not mine...i need to rest in that.

so often i make ministry into an idol, something that actually obstructs my view of the substitutionary death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. at the church planting conference i went to, one of the speakers said, "ministry is the only acceptable idol in the church." how true this is. if someone is "doing ministry," often they are actually encouraged to sacrifice relationships with their family, ignore the broken world around them, and even forsake time with the Lord. i have definitely encouraged someone in their pursuit of this idol before...

the gospel becomes distorted like this when i replace Jesus with the idol of ministry: instead of being justified by Christ's work on the cross and resting in his finished work, walking in good works in view of God's grace, i forget Christ and try and justify myself through ministry. i try to contribute to my salvation. i forget God's grace and work for it rather than working out of it.

i can't name how many times i have made ministry into an idol and felt justified because of the great work that i was doing, meanwhile looking down on those that weren't quite as "committed" as i was. how stupid am i?! how sinful is this flesh! and yet i continue to return to the idol of ministry...even this weekend.

its a tough balance for me to try to find out how to walk in good works without making ministry an idol. on the other hand, its hard to rest in God's work without being lazy and unfocused. we're all trying to find that balance, and by God's grace with the help of the Spirit, we can walk in the grace of Jesus Christ.

that's what i'm praying for tonight.